LIBRARY  OF  THE 
UNIVERSITY  OF  ILLINOIS 
AT  URBANA-CHAMPAIGN 

IN  MEMORY  OF 
STEWART  S.  HOWE 
JOURNALISM  CLASS  OF  1928 

STEWART  S.  HOWE  FOUNDATION 

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BRIDAL  GREETINGS: 


H  garriage  gift, 

IN  WHICH  THE  MUTUAL  DUTIES  OP  HUSBAND  AND  WIPE 
ABE  FAMILIARLY  ILLUSTRATED  AND  ENFORCED. 


By  Rey.  DANIEL  WISE, 

AUTHOR  OF  “THB  PATH  OF  LIFE,”  **  CHRISTIAN  LOVE,”  ETC. 


Marriage  is  the  Mother  of  the  World,  and  preserves  kingdoms,  and 
fills  cities,  and  churches,  and  heaven  itself.  —  Jkremv  Taylor, 

Lady,  thy  marriage-bells  are  ringing, —  Mrs.  Abdy. 


TWENTY-NINTH  THOUSAND. 


Neto  JDork: 

PUBLISHED  BY  CARLTON  &  PORTER, 


200  MULBERRY-STREET. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1850 

BY  LANE  &  SCOTT, 

in  the  Clerk’s  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the 
Southern  District  of  New- York. 


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If  the  reader  expects  to  find  highly 
wrought  sentimentality  or  romantic  fan¬ 
cies  in  the  succeeding  pages,  he  had 
better  lay  them  down,  and  seek  for  gra¬ 
tification  elsewhere.  But  if  a  desire  to 
learn  somewhat  of  the  stem  realities  of 
rugged  life,  and  to  profit  by  timely  cau¬ 
tions,  animates  the  heart,  then  the  author 
can  cordially  invite  his  reader  to  a  more 
intimate  acquaintanceship.  Time  is  too 
short,  the  purposes  of  life  are  too  ex¬ 
alted,  and  the  dangers  of  human  exist- 


4  PREFACE. 

ence  too  fearful,  to  admit  of  any  trifling, 
even  on  the  festival  of  marriage.  Mar- 
riage  is  not  a  small  matter,  however 
lightly  its  solemn  vows  may  escape  from 
thoughtless  lips.  Nay,  its  influences  are 
“  great  for  good  or  for  evil,  because  of 
the  unfathomable  mysteries  that  lie 
shrouded  in  the  growth  on  earth  of  an 
immortal  soul.,,  Happiness  or  woe, 
heaven  or  hell,  will  issue  from  the  mar¬ 
riage  covenant.  It  would,  therefore, 
most  surely  be  out  of  place  to  present 
the  “ contracting  parties”  with  aught 
that  would  weaken  their  ideas  concern- 

_  .  v, 

-*’■**•"  » .  »  .  ■, t  •  i  •  % 

mg  the  responsibility  of  their  new  re¬ 
lation. 

# 

Deeply  impressed  with  these  truths,  I 
have  prayerfully  written  this  little  work. 


PREFACE. 


5 


I  have  aimed  to  make  every  sentence 
profitable  to  the  reader;  yet,  in  doing 
this,  I  have  sought  to  give  interest  and 
vivacity  to  grave  truths  by  illustrations 
drawn  from  real  experience ;  for,  to  use 
the  lines  of  Tasso : — 

.  ;  •  : '  '  '  KM  J 

"  So  the  fond  mother  her  sick  infant  blinds, 

Sprinkling  the  edges  of  the  cup  she  gives 
With  sweets  ;  delighted  with  the  balm  it  finds 
Round  the  sweet  brim,  the  medicine  it  receives,— 
Drinks  the  delusive  draught,  and,  thus  deluded, 
lives.” 

• .  •'  •  /  |  Jj  ,7 .  Vi  1  f;J  •  ‘  ■ 

Trusting  that  I  shall  hereby  contribute 

■  i ;r>  ■  '  :  '  ;  . -o, 

to  the  real  and  final  happiness  of  the 

» ,  • 

newly  married,  I  confide  the  result  of 
my  labours  to  the  keeping  of  Christ, 
without  whose  blessing  it  will  prove  but 

Si"  S  !■:. 

a  fruitless  effort. 

Let  the  reader,  in  perusing  my 


6 


PREFACE. 


thoughts,  do  as  I  have  done  in  writing 
them — seek  light  and  grace  to  profit, 
at  the  throne  of  Infinite  Wisdom;  and 
then  reader  and  author  will  have  occa¬ 
sion  to  rejoice  in  eternity  over  their  mu¬ 
tual  acquaintance.  D.  Wise. 

Fall  River ,  Mass.,  1849. 


(Cnufritti 


CHAPTER  I. 

GREETINGS  AND  CAUTIONS. 

Address  to  the  Bride — Blended  Images — Solemnity 
proper  on  Wedding  Occasions — Goethe — Jeremy 
Taylor— Poetical  Extract — The  Bride’s  Strength — 
Good  wishes  of  Friends — Extract  from  Barry  Corn¬ 
wall— The  Bridegroom  addressed— A  Wish  from 
Vaughn — Address  to  both  Bride  and  Bridegroom — 
Social  Happiness  must  be  sought — Montgomery  to 
the  newly  Wedded — An  inexperienced  Youth — Un¬ 
suspected  Folly — Hope  the  Genius  of  most  Mar¬ 
riages — Extravagant  Expectations  of  Happiness  dis¬ 
couraged— Sorrow  the  Destiny  of  all — Extract  on 
human  Pleasures — Dr.  Fuller — A  Question  and  its 
Answer . Page  13 


CHAPTER  H. 

ON  AVOIDING  THE  FIRST  QUARREL. 

Only  one  dangerous  Quarrel  in  Married  Life — Bridai 
Incredulity — Effect  of  the  first  Quarrel — Courtship 
and  its  Influence  on  Married  Life — The  Honey-moon 
— Discoveries — The  crisis  of  Conjugal  Bliss — Influ¬ 
ence  of  Trifles — Jeremy  Taylor  on  beginning  Right 
— The  Boiled  Egg  and  the  Testy  Bride — The  offend¬ 
ed  Bridegroom— The  Quarrel— The  Separation — 
How  to  avoid  the  Danger . 33 


8 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  HI. 

OF  BEGINNING  MARRIED  LIFE  RELIGIOUSLY. 

Marriage  is  a  Divine  Institution — Consistent  with  Re¬ 
ligious  Enjoyment — Scruples — Fletcher’s  Scruples 
— His  Spirituality  in  the  Married  State — Fletcher’s 
Argument  against  his  own  Scruples — The  Holiest 
Persons  have  been  Married — Possibility  of  Religiou 
in  the  Married  State  shown— Marriage  too  fre¬ 
quently  an  Occasion  of  Sin— Unnecessary — A  com¬ 
mon  Excuse  for  not  Erecting  a  Family  Altar — The 
Bridal  Home  should  be  Consecrated  to  God — The 
Benefits  of  such  a  Dedication — Tertullian— Public 
Worship — Sabbath  Arrangements — Domestics  and 
the  Sabbath— A  Rule  recommended — The  Daring 
of  those  who  Marry  irreligiously — The  Tree — An 
Irreligious  Home  will  become  Joyless — A  Lamenta¬ 
tion  over  such — Exhortation  to  Marry  Christ — Con¬ 
solation  in  thoughts  of  Reunion— Simon  Marechal 
and  his  Heroic  Wife . Page  32 

CHAPTER  IV. 

OF  RELIGIOUS  DIFFERENCES. 

The  B»dde  and  Bridegroom  belonging  to  different  Per¬ 
suasions — A  Danger — Avoidable — Compromise  re¬ 
commended — Submission  and  Union  urged — Hus¬ 
band’s  rights  over  the  Children — One  of  the  Parties 
unconverted — Serious  Difficulty— Duty  of  the  Chris¬ 
tian  thus  circumstanced — The  chief  Object — How 
to  Succeed — Emily  Churchill — Her  Experience — 
Marriage — Her  Mind  revived — The.  Effort — An  en¬ 
couraging  Fact— The  Scoffer’s  Conversion — His  con¬ 
fession-  -Domestic  Persecutions— Robert  Willis  and 


CONTENTS 


9 


his  bitter  Wife— All  domestic  Persecution  contempt¬ 
ible — The  Sea  of  Life  viewed— Tasso’s  Pilot — The 
best  Way . Page  45 


CHAPTER  V. 

OF  RELATIVES  AND  FRIENDS. 

The  Future — A  Prize— New  Relations— The  step¬ 
mother  and  Maiden  Sister— The  Wife  a  Queen  in 
her  Home — A  melancholy  Example — Madame  Guion 
and  her  Step-mother— Madame  Guion’s  Misery — 
Cautions  in  regard  to  Relatives— Old  Friends— How 
to  be  treated — An  ideal  Picture— Henrietta  and 
Henry  Burgess — An  important  Lesson — Some  old 
Friendships  to  be  discontinued — Confidants  unne¬ 
cessary  to  Married  Persons — Sad  Effects— Mutual 
and  Entire  Confidence  recommended— Extract  from 
Tupper — An  impropriety  described  .  .  .68 

CHAPTER  VI. 

HOME  AND  ITS  ARRANGEMENTS. 

A  Home  needed — Its  Character  not  dependent  on  its 
Cost — Forethought  Needful — Wisdom  of  the  Swal¬ 
low — An  Etching — The  unwise  Housekeepers — The 
two  Tenements — Expensive  Furniture— Increased 
Expenses — Business  Embarrassments — Insolvency 
— Misery — Poor  Richard’s  saying — Simple  Rules — 
Expenditures  and  Income— Expense  Account — Pro 
dent  Calculations — Covetousness  Deprecated — Ne¬ 
cessity  for  Saving  illustrated— Ol  giving  Parties— 
The  new  Sofa— The  Girandoles — The  Party — Ellen’s 
Chagrin — Remarks  on  Parties — Independent  Action 
urged — Cheap  Purchases— Sayings  of  Franklin .  84 


10 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

ON  MAKING  HOME  HAPPY. 

The  first  Year  of  Married  Life  important— Conjugal 
Love  a  delicate  Plant — The  spirit  makes  the  home 
— The  eccentric  Bridegroom — The  Philosophy  of  a 
happy  Home — Motto  on  a  Wedding  Ring — Selfish¬ 
ness  must  be  avoided — Extract  from  Dr.  Wayland — 
Conrad  and  Matilda — Catharine  Adorna — Her  Con¬ 
quest  of  a  Selfish  Husband — The  Husband  must 
supply  the  Wants  of  his  Family  liberally — Indolent 
Husbands  censured— Alexander  and  Maria — Fretting 
and  Scolding — The  fretful  Husband — The  complain¬ 
ing  Wife — Dante  and  his  wife  Gemma — Rousseau  on 
Empire  of  Woman— Beautiful  Extract — Solomon — 
Bishop  Patrick— Mrs.  Hemans— The  Yaudois  Wife 
to  her  Husband  ......  Page  103 


CHAPTER  VUI. 

ON  CONFORMITY  TO  CIRCUMSTANCES. 

The  Pastor’s  Visit— The  Home-sick  Wife— Her  Folly 
— A  Contrast — Mrs.  Pickard — Her  admirable  Self- 
denial — The  discontented  Wife— The  Clergyman’s 
Bride— John  Wesley’s  Wife — Catharine  Von  Bora — 
Which  does  the  Bride  admire  ? — Minister’s  Wife 
must  enter  into  the  Spirit  of  his  Profession — The 
high  Character  of  his  Mission — Heroism  under  Trials 
— Illustration — Appeal  to  the  Minister’s  Bride — A 
touching  Exhibition  of  Conjugal  respect — A  Hint  for 
Husbands — Sympathy  for  a  Wife  the  Husband’s 
duty — Mountford  on  Sympathy — How  the  Husband 
must  Sympathize— Poetical  Extract .  •  .125 


CONTENTS 


11 


CHAPTER  IX. 

OF  DOMESTIC  SERVANTS. 

Servants  great  Plagues— Abraham  and  Lot — The  Re¬ 
lation  ai  effect  of  Sin — Best  to  Dispense  with  Help 
— The  Expense  of  keeping  Help  considered — Extract 
— Bad  Temper  of  hired  Help— Its  Effect  on  Family 
Happiness — Sad  Influence  of  wicked  Servants  on 
Children— Folly  of  keeping  Help  for  Fashion  sake — 
Poor  Health  makes  Help  needful  for  some — Pious 
Servants  are  Family  Jewels — Catholic  Help — May 
we  keep  Such  if  they  will  not  attend  Family  Prayer  ? 
—Question  of  Priestly  dictation  considered — How  to 
do  Good  to  Catholic  Help— General  Principles  of 
Treatment— Burns— System  in  House-keeping— 
The  Wife  must  Superintend  in  Person— Solomon’s 
Picture  of  a  good  Housewife — An  illustrative  Nar* 
rative— Concluding  Note  .  .  .  Page  146 


X  V 

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Ho 

(JEtodfogg  CsutiongU 

Peace  to  thee,  fair  and  gentle  bride ! 
Thou  art  now  joined  to  the  soul  for  whom 
thine  was  moulded.  Blessings  rest  on  thy 
head,  which,  in  the  multitude  of  its  half  sad, 
half  joyful  thoughts,  inclines  towards  thy 
chosen  one  in  serious  playfulness,  drooping 

“  as  a  lily  droops 
Faint  o’er  a  folded  rose.” 

I  know  that  the  beautiful  images  of  the 
happy  past  are  blending  with  the  misty 
dreams  of  the  future  in  your  perplexed 
mind.  Perchance  your  spirit  trembles  be¬ 
fore  the  future,  or  sighs  at  yielding  up  the 
past.  It  is  well  to  stand  thus  timidly  hope- 


14 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


ful  in  the  bridal  hour.  Unmingled  joy, 
festive  song,  should  not  flow  unrestrainedly 
in  a  crisis  teeming  with  the  serenest  bliss 
or  the  mightiest  woe.  “  Festivities,”  writes 
the  great  German  poet,  (Goethe,)  “are  fit 
for  what  is  happily  concluded ;  at  the  com¬ 
mencement,  they  but  waste  the  force  and  zeal 
which  should  inspire  us.  Of  all  festivities, 
the  marriage  festival  appears  the  most  un¬ 
suitable  ;  calmness,  humility,  and  silent  hope 
befit  no  ceremony  more  than  this.”  I  do 
not  blame  you,  therefore,  lady,  for  the  silent 
tear.  “  Life  or  death,  felicity  or  a  lasting 
sorrow,  are  in  the  power  of  marriage,”  says 
Jeremy  Taylor.  Yet  yield  not  thyself 
wholly  to  sadness.  For  though 

w 

“  Thine  is  a  path  by  snares  and  toils  attended : 

Yet,  lady,  in  thy  prudence  I  confide  ; 

Thou  art  not  by  mere  mortal  aid  befriended,— 
Prayer  is  thy  stay,  and  Providence  thy  guide: 
And  should  thy  coming  years  with  ills  be  laden, 
Thou  safely  may’st  abide  the  storms  of  life, 

If  the  meek  virtues  of  the  Christian  maiden 
Shine  forth  as  brightly  in  the  Christian  wife.” 

Mbs.  Abdt 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


15 


Courage,  then,  timid  bride !  God  will  go 
before  you  into  the  dreamy  future.  The 
prayers  of  your  friends  are  also  your  com¬ 
panions.  Listen  to  the  silver-toned  voices 
of  those  beloved  ones,  whose  loving  hearts 
are  inspiring  their  lips  with  sincere  wishes 
for  your  future  good.  Hear  them  saying, 
as  thou  art  passing  from  the  home  of  thy 
youth : — 

“ Sweet  be  her  dreams,  the  fair,  the  young; 
Grace,  beauty,  breathe  upon  her ; 

Music,  haunt  thou  about  her  tongue ; 

Life,  fill  her  path  with  honour. 

“  All  golden  thoughts,  all  wealth  of  days, 

Truth,  friendship,  love  surround  her ; 

So  may  she  smile  till  life  be  closed, 

And  angel  bands  have  crown’d  her.” 

Barry  Cornwall. 

Peace  to  thee,  also,  young  bridegroom ! 
The  “desire  of  thine  eyes”  is  now  thine 
own.  Deal  gently  with  her;  for  she  has 
been  gently  reared,  and  her  heart  is  a  deli¬ 
cate  and  fragile  thing :  easily  broken.  Seek 
a  spiritual  union  with  thy  bride,  that  the 


16 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


strength  of  thy  manhood,  blending  with  the 
weakness  of  her  woman’s  nature,  may  im¬ 
part  vigour  to  her  soul,  while  she  repays 
thee  by  throwing  gentle  refining  influences 
over  thy  spirit.  Thus  joined  to  her  in  the 
spirit  of  true  marriage, — 

“  Fresh  as  the  hours  may  all  your  pleasures  be, 

And  healthful  as  eternity  ; 

Sweet  as  the  flowers’  first  breath,  and  close 

As  the  unseen  spreadings  of  the  rose.” — Vaughn. 

And  peace  to  you  both!  May  those 
bright,  calm  smiles  play  on  your  lips  for¬ 
ever  !  May  your  hearts  never  be  divided, 
your  affections  blighted,  nor  your  young 
hopes  blasted !  May  your  life-sun  ever 
shine  in  unclouded  splendour,  and  your 
path  through  the  vale  of  life  be  green, 
smooth,  and  pleasant  as  love,  sanctified  by 
religion,  and  guided  by  Providence,  cap 
make  it ! 

Such  are  the  greetings  that  the  heart  of 
friendship  offers  for  your  acceptance  in 
the  bridal  hour.  They  are  sincerely  laid 
at  your  feet.  Take  them,  happy  pair,  as 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


17 


omens  of  good.  Put  them  into  that  beau¬ 
tiful  rainbow  with  which  hope  has  spanned 
the  sky  of  your  married  life.  Make  it  your 
care  to  convert  them  into  realities  by  appro¬ 
priate  effort ;  for,  believe  me,  social  happi¬ 
ness  is  not  an  accidental  guest.  It  comes 
not  without  invitation :  it  abides  not  with¬ 
out  attention.  Woo  it,  then,  to  your  bridal 
dwelling;  and  once  there,  on  your  peril, 
give  it  no  umbrage.  Force  it  not  to  de¬ 
part,  lest  it  avenge  the  slight  by  sending 
discord — the  bitterest  of  the  daughters  of 
sin — to  occupy  its  place.  Do  this,  and  you 
shall  realize  the  wishes  of  a  great  and  pure 
poet,  (Montgomery,)  who  sings  thus  to  the 
newly  wedded : — 

“  Then  may  the  union  of  young  hearts, 

So  early  and  so  well  begun, 

Like  sea  and  shore,  in  all  their  parts, 

Appear  as  twain,  but  be  as  one. 

44  Be  it  like  summer — may  they  find 

Bliss,  beauty,  hope,  where’er  they  roam : 

Be  it  like  winter,  when  confined — 

Peace,  comfort,  happiness,  at  home. 

2 


18 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


“  Like  day  and  night — sweet  interchange 
Of  care,  enjoyment,  action,  rest ; 
Absence  nor  coldness  e’er  estrange 
Hei.'ts  by  unfailing  love  possess’d: 

“  Like  earth’s  horizon— be  their  scene 
Of  life  a  rich  and  various  ground ; 
And,  whether  lowering  or  serene, 
Heaven  all  above  it  and  around. 


“  When  land  and  ocean,  day  and  night, 
When  years  and  nature  cease  to  be, 
May  their  inheritance  be  light, 

Their  union,  one  eternity.” 


An  inexperienced  and  thoughtless  youth 
was  going  a  long  journey  alone.  His  ima¬ 
gination  was  excited  by  visions  of  pleasure. 
“  Tell  me,”  he  cried,  “  of  all  the  pleasant 
things  I  shall  behold  on  my  journey.” 

His  wiser  friends  suggested,  “  There  are 
dangers  as  well  as  pleasures  on  your  jour¬ 
ney.” 

“  Nay,”  he  retorted ;  u  tell  me  of  its  plea¬ 
sant  things.” 

This  was  folly ;  because  the  only  way  to 
secure  a  prosperous  journey  was  to  know 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS.  19 

Its  dangers,  and,  by  wise  precautions,  to 
avoid  them. 

But  obvious  as  this  folly  is  to  an  observer, 
it  has  multitudes  in  its  chains  who  do  not 
even  suspect,  much  less  feel,  their  bondage : 
especially  is  this  true  of  those  who  are  start¬ 
ing  on  the  laborious  and  perilous  journey 
of  married  life. 

The  bridal  day  is  by  most  exclusively 
consecrated  to  hope.  Viewed  in  those 
sunny  hours,  the  vale  of  life  looks  green 
and  fruitful  everywhere.  The  joyous  pair 
see  only  emerald  hills  rising  “  terrace  above 
terrace,”  smooth  walks,  peaceful  bowers, 
quiet  skies.  Hand  in  hand  they  walk  those 
paths,  linger  under  those  bowers,  and  smile 
beneath  those  cloudless  skies  in  boundless 
happiness.  The  past  appears  as  the  sterile 
wilderness  did  to  the  weary  sons  of  Abra¬ 
ham — the  future  as  a  Canaan  of  unmingled 
delight. 

Alas !  these  hopes  are  doomed  to  dimness 
and  decay.  I  would  not  needlessly  evoke  a 
cloud  to  darken  this  prospect  of  bliss.  I 


20 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


would  not  ruthlessly  and  unkindly  dasn  this 
cup  of  bliss  from  those  youthful  lips.  I  will 
not  even  affirm  that  moderate  bridal  hopes 
cannot  grow  into  fruition.  But  I  would 
teach  the  newly  married  that  extravagant 
expectations  will  be  sure  to  meet  with  bitter 
disappointments.  I  would  have  them  un¬ 
derstand  that  storms  do  obscure  the  skies ; 
that  floods  do  overflow  the  vale  of  married 
life ;  that  sorrow  and  joy  mingle  together 
in  every  bridal  cup.  For  in  every  sphere 
of  human  life 

“  Pleasures  are  like  poppies  spread ; 

You  grasp  the  flower,  its  bloom  is  shed, 

Or  like  the  snow-fall  in  the  river — 

A  moment  white,  then  melts  forever. 

Or  like  the  Borealis’  race, 

That  flits  ere  you  can  point  its  place ; 

Or  like  the  rainbow’s  lovely  form, 

Evanishing  amid  the  storm.” 

Yes ;  sorrow  is  an  heir-loom  handed  down 
from  family  to  family,  through  all  the  gene¬ 
rations  of  mankind.  We  are  born  unto  it 

a3  to  an  entailed  inheritance.  And  it  will 

• 

find  its  way  even  into  the  sacred  recess  of 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


21 


home ;  it  will  invade  the  sanctity  of  domestic 
life,  and  cloud  the  brows  of  the  married  pair 
with  care.  Hence  Dr.  Fuller  has  well 
said  to  youthful  brides  and  bridegrooms : — 

“  Deceive  not  yourselves  by  over  expect¬ 
ing  happiness  in  the  married  state.  Mar¬ 
riage  is  not  like  the  hill  Olympus,  wholly 
clear,  without  clouds.  Remember  the  night¬ 
ingales,  which  sing  only  some  months  in  the 
spring,  but  commonly  are  silent  when  they 
have  hatched  their  eggs,  as  if  their  mirth 
were  turned  into  care  for  their  young 
ones.” 

But  why  utter  such  dirge-like  sounds  in 
the  ears  of  the  newly  married ?  Why,  in 
these  hours,  devoted  to  love  and  joy,  stand 
before  them  with  words  of  warning,  like 
the  evil  genius  of  Brutus  ?  Why  not  per¬ 
mit  the  fond  delusions  of  hope  to  remain 
until  dispelled  by  stern  reality  ? 

My  answer  to  these  questions  is,  That  it  is 
easier  to  combat  a  difficulty  whose  existence 
and  extent  are  foreknown,  than  to  grapple 
with  it  ignorantly  and  suddenly.  Besides, 


22 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


many  evils  of  married  life  are  avoidable 
I  would,  therefore,  by  these  cautions  pre¬ 
pare  the  newly  married  to  meet  their  neces¬ 
sary  trials  and  sorrows  with  courage,  and 
instruct  them  to  escape  those  which  are 
produced  rather  by  errors  and  follies  than 
by  necessity. 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


23 


OJBLAJPMia  HEo 

©n  tjje  firjgt  ©uarnreL 

The  first  quarrel  between  a  man  and  his 
wife,  like  the  first  glass  of  wine,  is  the  only 
dangerous  one.  Let  that  be  avoided,  and 
that  hateful  demon,  discord,  will  never 
find  a  place  at  the  domestic  hearth.  Let  it 
have  an  existence,  no  matter  how  trivial 
the  subject,  or  how  brief  its  duration,  the 
demon  will  feel  himself  invited,  and  will 
take  his  place,  an  odious,  but  an  abiding 
guest,  at  the  fireside. 

Smile  not,  happy  pair,  at  this  caution. 
You  look  at  each  other  in  the  rhapsodies 
of  love,  and  are  ready  to  say,  “  We  shall 
never  quarrel.  Our  love  is  too  deep,  too 
true,  too  ardent,  to  wane  and  die.” 

Yet  love,  deep,  ardent,  true  as  yours,  has 
been  followed  by  years  of  bitterness,  and 
even  by  separation,  and  all  through  not 
avoiding  the  first  quarrel . 

Very  few  newly  married  persons  under- 


24 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


stand  each  other’s  tastes  and  peculiarities. 
Most  courtships  afford  anything  but  an 
opportunity  for  gaining  this  knowledge. 
In  general,  courtship  consists  in  mutual, 
though  undesigned,  deception.  Both  par¬ 
ties  labour  to  conceal  their  unfavourable 
points  of  character :  both  aim  to  please,  and 
are  determined  to  be  pleased.  If  the  judg¬ 
ment  dares  to  intermeddle  with  the  pas¬ 
sions,  and  to  surest  unfitness  or  uncon- 

7  uo 

geniality,  its  faithful  voice  is  silenced.  One 
purpose  inspires  both  minds, — they  are  de¬ 
termined  to  marry  at  all  events. 

Too  often,  courtship  is  so  brief,  so  hasty, 
so  artificial,  that,  if  really  desirous  to  judge 
of  their  mutual  congeniality,  the  parties 
have  no  sufficient  opportunity.  What  is 
the  prevailing  method  of  courtship?  The 
parties  meet,  perhaps,  at  church,  or  at  a 
party.  They  are  mutually  pleased.  The 
young  man  calls  at  the  lady’s  home.  They 
sit,  chat,  walk  together.  Perhaps  they  fol¬ 
low  that  worse  than  heathenish  practice  of 
sitting  up  together  a  greater  part  of  the 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


25 


night.  They  never  see  each  other  in  the 
duties  and  trials  of  life,  when  acting  natu¬ 
rally.  Everything  between  them  is  arti¬ 
ficial  ;  done  to  promote  their  common 
object — marriage.  This  state  of  things 
lasts  a  few  months,  and  the  object  is  gained. 
The  parties  are  man  and  wife. 

But  all  is  not  real  yet.  The  “  honey¬ 
moon”  perpetuates  the  delusions  of  court¬ 
ship.  But  its  duration  is  brief:  it  passes 
awav.  The  lover  changes  to  the  husband ; 
the  bride  becomes  the  wife.  In  both,  the 
natural  dispositions  and  tastes,  the  habits, 
opinions,  and  views  of  life,  are  different. 
Such  is  the  strict  intimacy  of  married 
life  that  these  differences  will  be  dis¬ 
covered. 

Then  the  crisis  of  conjugal  happiness  or 
misery  is  reached.  The  parties  either  yield 
to  each  other,  learn  the  art  of  mutual  assi¬ 
milation,  and  pass  life  in  comparative  enjoy¬ 
ment;  or  they  express  their  differences, 
quarrel,  and  begin  a  career  of  domestic 
misery,  ending  in  separation  or  death. 


26 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


This  danger  in  the  beginning  of  wedded 
life  is  well  expressed  by  Jeremy  Taylor, 
who  says : — 

“  Man  and  wife  are  equally  concerned  to 
avoid  all  offences  of  each  other  at  the  be • 
ginning  of  their  conversation.  Every  little 
thing  can  blast  an  infant  blossom,  and  the 
breath  of  the  south  can  shake  the  little 
rings  of  the  vine  when  first  they  begin  to 
curl  like  the  locks  of  a  new  weaned  boy: 
but  when  by  age  and  consolidation  they 
stiffen  into  the  hardness  of  a  stem,  and 
have,  by  the  warm  embraces  of  the  sun, 
and  the  kisses  of  Heaven,  brought  forth 
their  clusters,  they  can  endure  the  storms 
of  the  north  and  the  loud  noises  of  a  tem¬ 
pest,  and  yet  never  be  broken.  So  are  the 
earlv  unions  of  an  unfixed  marriage,  watch- 

v  O  7 

ful  and  observant,  apt  to  take  alarm  at 
every  unkind  word.  After  the  hearts  of 
the  man  and  the  wife  are  endeared  and 
hardened  by  a  mutual  confidence  and  ex¬ 
perience,  longer  than  artifice  or  pretence 
can  last,  there  are  a  great  many  remem- 


BKIDAL  GREETINGS.  2  7 

brances,  and  some  things  present,  that  dash 
all  little  unkindnesses  in  pieces.” 

This  is  well  and  wisely  spoken.  A  trifling 
disagreement  about  a  trifling  matter  may 
destroy  a  life  of  enjoyment.  And  it  usually 
happens  that  when  the  married  pair  do 
quarrel,  the  occasion  is  so  despicable  they 
are  ashamed  to  think  of  it.  Yet  that  silly 
circumstance,  like  a  drop  of  ink  discolouring 
a  whole  vessel  of  water,  often  spreads  its 
influence  over  the  whole  life.  Just  as 

“  A  pebble  in  the  streamlet  scant 

Has  turn’d  the  course  of  many  a  river  ; 

A  dew-drop  on  the  baby  plant 
Has  warp’d  the  giant  oak  forever.” 

I  find  an  exceedingly  painful  illustration 
of  these  ideas  in  an  English  publication,  for 
the  truth  of  which  its  author  pledges  his 
word. 

A  young  couple  had  passed  the  first 
weeks  of  their  marriage  at  the  house  of  a 
friend.  Having  at  length  occupied  their 
new  home,  they  were  taking  thru  fiist 


28 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


breakfast,  when  the  following  scene  oc* 
curred : — 

The  young  husband  was  innocently  open¬ 
ing  a  boiled  egg  in  an  egg-cup.  The  bride 
observed  that  he  was  breaking  the  shell  at, 
what  she  thought  was,  the  wrong  end.  “  How 
strange  it  looks,”  she  said,  “  to  see  you  break 
your  egg  at  the  small  end,  my  dear !  No 
one  else  does  so ;  and  it  looks  so  odd.” 

“  O,  I  think  it  *s  quite  as  good,  in  fact 
better,  than  breaking  it  at  the  large  end, 
my  love;  for  when  you  break  the  large 
end,  the  egg  runs  over  the  top,”  replied  the 
husband. 

“  But  it  looks  so  very  odd,  when  no  one 
else  does  so,”  rejoined  the  wife. 

“Well,  now,  I  really  do  think  it  is  not  a 
nice  way  that  you  have  got  of  eating  an  egg. 
That  dipping  strips  of  bread  and  butter  into 
an  egg  certainly  is  not  tidy.  But  I  do  not 
abject  to  your  doing  as  you  please,  if  you 
will  let  me  break  my  egg  at  the  small  end,” 
retorted  the  husband. 

“  I  am  quite  sure  my  way  is  not  so  bad 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


29 


as  eating  fruit-pie  with  a  knife,  as  you  do, 
instead  of  using  the  fork ;  and  you  always 
eat  up  the  sirup  as  if  you  were  not  accus¬ 
tomed  to  have  such  things.  You  really 
do  not  see  how  very  bad  it  looks,  or  I 
am  sure  you  would  not  do  so,”  added 
the  wife. 

“  The  sirup  is  made  to  be  eaten  with  the 
pie,  and  why  should  I  send  it  away  in  the 
plate  ?”  asked  the  husband. 

“  No  well-bred  persons  clear  up  their 
plates  as  if  they  were  starved,”  said  the 
bride,  with  a  contemptuous  toss  of  her  little 
head. 

u  Well,  then,  I  am  not  a  well-bred  per¬ 
son,”  replied  the  bridegroom,  angrily. 

“  But  you  must  be,  if  we  are  to  be  com¬ 
fortable  together,”  was  the  sharp  answer  of 
the  fastidious  lady. 

“Well,  I  must  break  my  egg  at  the  small 
end,  so  it  does  not  signify ;  and  I  must  also 
eat  the  sirup.” 

“  Then  I  will  not  have  either  fruit-pies 
or  eggs  at  the  table.” 


30 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


“But  I  will  have  them,”  petulantly  ex¬ 
claimed  the  husband. 

“  Then  I  wish  I  had  not  been  married  to 
you,”  cried  the  young  wife,  bursting  into 
tears. 

“  And  so  do  I,”  added  the  now  incensed 
husband,  as  he  arose  and  walked  out  of  the 
room. 

This  domestic  quarrel  was  followed  by 
others  equally  trifling  in  their  origin  and 
disgraceful  in  their  character;  until  the 
silly  couple  made  themselves  so  disagree¬ 
able  to  each  other  that  their  home  became 
unendurable,  and  they  separated. 

Now,  I  doubt  not,  the  reader  is  ready  to 
pronounce  this  quarrel  about  opening  an 
egg,  a  foolish  affair.  It  was  so ;  and  yet  I 
seriously  question  if  the  first  quarrel  be¬ 
tween  a  newly  married  pair  ever  has  a 
much  more  elevated  beginning.  Little 
things  do  great  mischief,  and  are  to  be 
watched  with  suspicious  care. 

I  repeat  my  caution.  Beware  of  the  first 
quarrel.  Whatever  dissimilarity  of  habit, 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


31 


taste,  or  feeling,  you  may  discover  in  each 
other,  be  resolute  in  enduring  it ;  be  deter¬ 
mined  to  reconcile  yourselves  to  it,  or  seek 
its  modification  by  the  gentlest  attempts  of 
love.  Remember  that,  however  unsuited  to 
each  other  you  may  be,  the  irrevocable 
covenant  has  been  uttered.  You  are  bound 
to  each  other  for  life;  and  both  prudence 
and  duty  demand  the  concealment  of  your 
dislikes,  and  the  strongest  efforts  to  conform 
to  each  other's  tastes.  It  will  be  far  easier, 
in  case  of  such  dissimilarity,  to  crucify  your 
feelings  and  tastes,  than  to  indulge  in  use¬ 
less  regrets  and  bitter  quarrels.  Begin 
your  married  life,  therefore,  by  a  stern  and 
fixed  resolve  to  avoid  the  first  quarrel. 


32 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


(DmAip'iPiiaiE  nniio 

©f  terming  $Bfento)  Eife  Mdigiouglg, 

Marriage  is  God’s  institution.  It  was  the 
Almighty  who  said,  u  It  is  not  good  for  man 
to  be  alone.”  He  also  pronounced  the 
nuptial  benediction  on  the  first  bridal  pair. 
The  Lord  Jesus  has  declared  its  sanctity 
under  the  present  dispensation  of  grace. 
The  Holy  Spirit,  through  the  pen  of  an 
apostle,  has  said,  “  Marriage  is  honourable 
in  all.” 

The  marriage  institution  having  this  hea- 
venly  authority,  it  follows  that  its  claims 
and  duties  are  consistent  with  the  enjoy¬ 
ment  of  any  and  every  degree  of  personal 
religion,  otherwise  God  would  be  incon 
sistent  with  himself.  His  requirements 
would  be  contradictions,  and  our  obligar 
tions  to  him  be  dissolved. 

But  although  the  congeniality  of  married 
life  with  the  claims  of  spiritual  religion  is 
an  obvious  and  undeniable  fact,  yet  very 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


33 


many  pious  persons  have  felt  scruples,  and 
entertained  doubts  concerning  it.  Among 
these,  stands  the  amiable  and  devoted 
Fletcher,  who  refrained  from  a  married 
life  for  many  years,  on  the  sole  ground  that 
he  thought  it  “  impossible  to  be  as  much  de¬ 
voted  to  God  in  a  married  as  in  a  single 
lifer 

This  opinion  he  afterwards  renounced. 
Perhaps  the  reason  he  gave  for  changing  it 
may  be  equally  satisfactory  to  others  who 
have  similar  views ;  while  the  fact ,  that  he 
retained  his  spirituality  both  at  and  after 
his  marriage,  gives  weight  to  his  reasoning. 
In  an  address  to  some  religious  friends, 
shortly  after  his  union  with  Mss  Bosanquet, 
he  thus  alluded  to  his  long-cherished  but 
mistaken  opinion  : — 

u  But  this  objection,”  he  said,  “  had  been 
removed  by  reading,  ‘  Enoch  begat  sons 
and  daughters.  And  Enoch  walked  with 
God,  and  was  not,  for  God  took  him/  I 
then  saw  if  Enoch,  at  the  head  of  a  family, 
might  walk  with  God,  and  be  fit  for  transla- 


34 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


tion,  our  souls,  under  the  Gospel  dispensa¬ 
tion,  might  attain  the  highest  degree  of 
holiness  in  a  similar  state,  if  too  great  an 
attachment,  leading  the  soul  from  God, 
rather  than  to  him,  did  not  take  place.” 

This  is  a  conclusive  argument,  and  it  was 
admirably  sustained  by  his  eminently  spi¬ 
ritual  and  holy  life;  and  it  is  an  unques¬ 
tionable  fact,  that  a  large  proportion  of  the 
brightest  and  holiest  names  in  the  Church 
of  Jesus  have  been  married  persons. 

The  newly  married  pair  may  therefore 
rest  assured  of  the  possibility  of  maintaining 
a  spiritual  mind  through  their  bridal  hours. 
If  they  will  it,  Jesus  will  sit  with  them  at 
the  bridal  feast,  and  consecrate  the  bridal 
chamber  by  his  presence.  lie  will  smile 
upon  their  new  home,  brighten  their  hap¬ 
piest  hours,  and  gently  lead  them  through 
the  changeful  future,  until  they  sit  joyfully 
down  at  His  marriage  supper,  when  he  will 
be  united  to  his  spouse,  the  Church,  in 
everlasting  bonds. 

Alas !  how  seldom  do  such  marriages 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


35 


occur!  Very  few  Christians  pass  into  this 
holy  state  without  losing  a  degree  of  their 
piety.  Jesus  is  not  cordially  invited  to  the 
wedding.  The  bridal  chamber  is  not  con¬ 
secrated  by  prayer.  The  carnal  triumphs 
over  the  spiritual.  The  Holy  Spirit  is 
grieved,  and  the  home  of  the  newly  mar¬ 
ried  is  not  honoured  by  the  presence  and 
blessing  of  a  pure  and  holy  God. 

If  the  blessing  of  God  is  of  that  infinite 
value  which  our  holy  religion  teaches  it  to 
be,  this  consequence  ought  to  be  avoided. 
It  were  better  not  to  marry  than  to  back¬ 
slide  in  the  act.  But  it  can,  and  ought  to 
be  prevented.  Only  let  the  young  couple 
resolve  to  besrin  their  married  life  in  a 

o 

strictly  religious  manner,  and  all  will  be 
well.  Let  their  conversation  be  spifi tual ; 
let  the  bridal  chamber  witness  their  pray¬ 
ers  and  their  covenants  to  serve  Christ  to¬ 
gether;  let  the  social  altar  be  erected  at 
once,  and  their  hearts  cheerfully  laid  upon 
it,  and  Jesus  will  pronounce  a  nuptial  bene¬ 
diction,  which  will  bring  them  happiness 


36 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


and  prosperity  through  the  years  of  after 
life.  But 

“  Alas  for  those  who  love,  and  cannot  blend  In 
prayer !” 

Some  newly  married  persons  think  them¬ 
selves  excused  from  establishing  an  altar  for 
social  worship  because  they  compose  the 
whole  family.  “  Did  my  family  contain 
more  than  myself  and  my  wife,  I  should 
think  it  very  proper  to  establish  social 
worship,”  is  the  young  husband’s  excuse. 
Hence,  he  begins  the  organization  of  his 
family  wrong.  And  being  begun  wrong, 
it  is  too  easy  to  continue  so,  wdien,  in  the 
course  of  nature,  his  family  is  increased. 

This  is  sinful.  The  young  couple  should 
co  usee  rate  their  home  to  God  the  first  time 
they  occupy  it.  They  should  strictly  main¬ 
tain  the  daily  practice  of  reading  the  Scrip¬ 
tures  and  praying  together,  through  life. 
The  presence  of  visitors,  the  introduction 
of  boarders  or  domestics,  the  increase  of  the 
family  by  children,  should  not  be  permitted 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


37 


to  overturn  the  sacred  altar.  Morning  and 
evening,  from  the  nuptial  day  to  the  day  of 
burial,  should  witness  the  ascending  incense 
of  gratitude,  love,  and  prayer.  I  assure  the 
reader  of  this  friendly  counsel,  that,  on  a 
death-bed,  such  an  inviolability  of  the  family 
altar  would  be  a  delightful  recollection. 

The  benefits  of  thus  establishing  family 
religion  cannot  be  fully  described.  They 
will  never  be  known  in  their  full  extent 
until  eternity  shall  unfold  its  sweet  reveal¬ 
ing.  Then  it  will  be  seen  how  such  de- 
© 

votion  softened  the  asperities  of  temper, 
sweetened  the  spirit,  prevented  discords, 
promoted  forgiveness,  fanned  the  dim  flame 
of  personal  religion,  aided  in  family  govern¬ 
ment,  impressed  domestics  and  children 
with  the  idea  of  God,  of  human  responsi¬ 
bility,  of  the  necessity  of  pure  religion, 
and  how,  above  all,  it  brought  down  the 
blessing  of  Heaven,  like  dew  on  Hermon’s 
brow,  and  called  forth  from  the  lips  of  the 
Eternal  God  that  commendation  on  the 
Christian  husband,  which,  in  ancient  times, 


38 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


4 


he  pronounced  on  Abraham,  “  I  know  him, 
that  he  will  command  his  children  and  hi9 
household  after  him  to  do  justice  and  judg¬ 
ment.”  u  What  a  union  of  two  believers,” 
says  Tertulliax,  “  to  have  one  hope,  one 
desire,  one  course  of  life,  one  service  of 

God,  in  common  the  one  with  the  other! 

* 

Both,  like  brother  and  sister,  undivided  in 
heart  and  flesh,  fall  down  together  on  their 
knees,  and  pray.  Christ's  peace  is  on  such 
as  these.  Where  two  are,  there  is  He ;  and 
where  He  is,  evil  cannot  come.” 

Nor  is  social  worship  the  only  religious 
duty  incumbent  upon  you.  It  is  important 
that  you  also  begin  right  in  the  matter  of 
attending  public  worship.  Covenant  to¬ 
gether  to  be  punctual  in  your  attendance 
at  the  house  of  God.  Be  not  like  wander¬ 
ing  stars,  roaming  from  church  to  church, 
but  select  your  spiritual  home,  and  resort 
to  it  constantly,  from  a  sense  of  duty. 

If  it  be  possible,  attend  at  least  twice 
on  the  Sabbath.  To  do  this,  make  such 
arrangements  for  eating  on  the  Sabbath  as 

O  O 


BRIDAL  GREE1INGS. 


39 


will  not  trespass  on  your  time  or  that  of 
your  domestics.  Avoid  the  guilty  practice 
of  many  fashionable  professors  of  religion, 
who  keep  their  domestics  at  home  in  the 
morning  to  cook  a  luxurious  dinner,  while 
they  are  at  church.  They  come  home, 
spend  a  long  time  at  the  table,  and  then 
loll  away  the  afternoon  in  idleness.  This 
is  a  very  sinful  practice.  What  right  have 
such  persons  to  compel  their  domestics  to 
break  the  Sabbath?  God  bids  both  ser¬ 
vant  and  master  to  avoid  work  on  his  holy 
day.  By  what  right  does  the  master  dare 

to  contravene  the  authority  of  God  ?  What 

* 

excuse  can  be  offered  for  wasting  the  Sab- 
bath  afternoon  in  idleness  ?  Is  the  Sabbath 
kept  holy  by  merely  spending  an  hour  in 
God’s  house  ?  O  shame !  Shame  on  such 
pretended  Christians !  They  have  not 
taken  their  first  lessons  in  self-denial,  and 
can  hardly  hope  to  pass  the  ordeal  of  that 
judgment,  which  will  recognize,  as  one  of 
its  immutable  laws,  this  saying  of  the  august 
Judge,  “If  a  man  will  come  after  me,  let 


40  BRIDAL  GREETINGS.  * 

him  deny  himself,  and  take  up  his  cross, 
and  follow  me.” 

To  avoid  these  evils,  let  the  bridal  couple 
here  addressed  begin  right .  Adopt  it  as  a 
rule  in  your  house,  that  public  worship 

MUST  BE  ATTENDED  THROUGH  THE 
LORD’S  DAY,  BY  ALL  THE  HEALTHY 

members  of  the  family;  and  let.  all 
other  things  be  arranged  to  correspond 
with  this  paramount  Sabbath  duty.  Do 
this  now ,  and  when  you  are  surrounded  by 
the  young  “ olive  plants”  which  will  grow 
up  around  your  table,  you  will  not  be 
afflicted,  as  many  parents  are,  who  cannot 
persuade,  and  will  not  compel,  their  chil¬ 
dren  to  attend  the  worship  of  God. 

But  what  shall  be  said  to  those  two  crea¬ 
tures  of  God  who  have  entered  the  sacred 
precincts  of  marriage  without  religious  feel¬ 
ings  ?  There  is  something  awful  and 
daring  in  their  spirit.  They  have  endea¬ 
voured  to  isolate  themselves  from  God . 
They  have  acted  independently  of  their 
Maker,  just  as  they  would  have  done  if 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


41 


he  had  had  no  existence.  O,  terrible  bold¬ 
ness  !  Married  without  God !  Without 
prayer !  Without  humble  dependence  on 
his  care  !  Alas  for  them  in  the  day  of  their 
calamity !  Who  shall  aid  them  when  their 
neglected  God  shall  permit  “  his  fury  to  fly 
up  into  his  face,”  and  come  forth  in  judg¬ 
ment  against  them  ? 

Such  a  marriage  cannot  be  fruitful  of 

bliss.  It  is  a  tree  at  whose  roots  the  living 

waters  do  not  flow ;  it  must,  therefore,  fail 

of  greenness  and  fruit  in  the  time  of 

drought:  for  “marriage  is  an  institution 
©  © 

of  God,  and  cannot  possibly  be  enjoyed 
except  in  the  Spirit  of  God.” 

The  home  of  such  a  marriage  will  speed¬ 
ily  become  joyless.  It’  is  not  sufficiently 
spiritual  to  produce  lasting  bliss ;  for  “  an 
irreligious  union  is  a  sensual  union,  and 
sensuality  is  volatile.  The  many  irksome 
marriages  which  there  are,  are  miserable, 
most  of  them,  for  the  want  of  an  indwelling 
spiritual  sentiment.”  The  parties  do  not 
see  themselves  clothed  with  immortality, 


42 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


and  destined  for  a  spiritual  union,  long 
after  their  earthly  forms  exist  no  longer; 
hence  the  loftiest  and  most  ennobling  aims 
of  life  are  absent  from  their  intercourse. 
Life's  wheels  drag  heavily  along,  “  for  want 
of  that  infinite  depth  of  sentiment  of  which 
Christianity  is  in  the  human  soul  the  foun¬ 
tain.” 

“  Alas  for  that  home  in  which, the  highest 
theme  of  the  husband’s  discourse  is  the  last 
acute  bargain  which  he  made  in  business; 
or  the  levity,  coarse,  perhaps,  as  well  as 
trifling,  which  he  last  heard  at  the  tavern ! 
Alas  for  that  home  in  which  the  wife,  on 
opening  her  heart,  discloses  no  traces  of  any 
nobler  feelings  than  such  as  the  larder  or 
the  laundry  might’  suggest !  Alas  for  her 
who  establishes  no  higher  claims  on  her 
husband’s  regards  than  mere  fidelity  to  his 
person,  and  frugality  and  order  in  his 
house.” — Mountford. 

As,  then,  you  have  been  married  to  each 
other,  so  let  each  be  married  to  Christ. 
Though  you  have  entered  on  the  duties  of 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


43 


marriage  in  an  unconsecrated  home,  let  it 
remain  so  no  longer.  By  all  your  hopes  of 
connubial  bliss;  your  anticipations  of  un¬ 
interrupted  happiness ;  by  your  wishes  for 
eternal  life, — I  exhort  you  to  embrace  the 
religion  of  Christ.  Kneel  side  by  side,  in 
penitential  prayer,  until  the  Everlasting 
arms  embrace  you  both,  and  the  Eternal 
voice  pronounces  a  nuptial  benediction  upon 
your  souls.  Then  will  your  conjugal  inter¬ 
course  be  purified ;  your  union  will  be  spi¬ 
ritual  ;  your  minds,  as  well  as  your  bodies, 
will  be  one.  You  will  have  that  sympathy, 
sensibility,  patience,  faith,  love,  necessary 
to  the  harmony  of  life;  and  you  will  also 
be  enabled  to  anticipate  with  delight  the 
reunion  of  your  spirits  after  death. 

How  consolatory  is  this  latter  prospect  to 
two  souls  joined  in  the  purest  friendship  to 
each  other !  Its  power  was  sublimely  appa¬ 
rent  at  the  martyrdom  of  Simon  Mare- 
ciial  and  his  wife.  As  they  approached  the 
stake,  and  beheld  the  horrid  preparations 
for  their  burning,  she  turned  to  her  hus- 


44 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


band,  and,  in  the  true  spirit  of  heroic  and 
Christian  love,  said, — 

“  Dear  husband,  our  marriage  has  hitherto 
been  but  an  engagement.  This  is  our  true 
wedding-day;  when,  after  this  trifling  tor¬ 
ment,  the  Son  of  God  will  marry  us  for 
eternity .” 

The  religion  which  converted  the  martyr 
flame  of  this  devoted  pair  into  a  nuptial 
couch,  and  inspired  their  mutual  love  with 
more  than  the  freshness  of  the  marriage 
hour,  is  for  you,  beloved  ones,  who  now 
read  th^se  lines.  Seek  it  now,  and  keep  it 
forever. 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


45 


y^ISAIF'aPIiia  ETo 

#f  Mdigitw 

It  is  possible  these  pages  may  fall  into  the 
hands  of  a  youthful  pair  who  belong  to 
churches  of  a  different  name.  Such  a  dif¬ 
ference  in  church  connexions  is  an  evil  in 
some  respects ;  it  may,  if  due  care  be  not 
taken,  become  a  root  of  exceeding  bitter¬ 
ness.  Yea,  it  may  grow  into  a  deadly  upas- 
tree,  beneath  whose  poisonous  shadow,  hus¬ 
band,  wife,  and  little  ones,  may  lie  down  in 
the  darkness  of  the  second  death. 

But  this  need  not  be,  if  the  difficulty  be 
met  in  the  true  spirit  of  sanctified  love. 
Such  a  spirit  will  find  a  method  by  which 
to  avoid  unhappy  consequences. 

Perhaps  the  best  mode  would  be  for  the 
parties  to  compromise  the  matter.  If  no 
question  of  conscience  is  involved,  one  of 
the  parties  might  join  the  church  of  the 
other.  Still  neither  should  insist  upon  this. 
The  right  to  worship  God  conscientiously  ia 


46 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


too  sacred  to  be  invaded  by  either  husband 
or  wife ;  but  if  either  party  could,  with  a 
satisfied  conscience,  and  for  the  glory  of 
God,  relinquish  past  preferences,  it  would 
be  a  happy  consummation.  If  this  cannot 
be,  then  the  evil  must  be  submitted  to  in 
the  spirit  of  true  affection.  Each  must 
worship  at  the  chosen  altar,  occasionally 
visiting  each  other’s  church,  and  carefully 
avoiding  all  reproach,  and  all  manifestations 
of  sectarian  bigotry.  Let  each  remember 
that  they  stood  at  the  altar  with  the  fore¬ 
sight  of  this  difference ;  and  that  the  con¬ 
jugal  vow  binds  them  to  respect  each 
other’s  preferences,  and  to  yield  to  each 
other  the  sacred  rights  of  conscience.  The 
same  liberal  and  Christian  feeling  must  in¬ 
fluence  them,  when  they  become  parents, 
in  the  education  of  their  children,  though, 
in  this  matter,  the  wife  is  bound  to  remem¬ 
ber  that  the  husband  is  the  divinely  ap¬ 
pointed  head  of  the  family.  The  right  and 
the  authority  to  decide  in  their  case,  are 
unquestionably  in  his  hands,  to  be  exer- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


47 


cised,  however,  with  all  mildness  and  dis¬ 
cretion,  and  in  the  fear  of  God. 

But  possibly  these  greetings  and  counsels 
may  be  read  by  a  couple,  one  of  whom  is  a 
child  of  God,  and  the  other  a  stranger  to 
spiritual  things.  The  Christian  and  the 
sinner  stand  joined  together  in  holy  bonds ; 
and,  however  closely  they  may  be  united  in 
affection,  there  is  a  great  religious  gulf  be¬ 
tween  them. 

The  difficulty  to  be  overcome  in  such  a 
case  is  a  very  serious  one.  It  is  the  more 
so,  because  a  great  fault  lies  at  its  founda¬ 
tion.  The  Christian  ought  to  have  married 
only  in  the  Lord ,  that  is,  with  another 
Christian,  and  is,  therefore,  weakened  and 
unfitted  for  successful  conflict  by  the  want 
of  a  good  conscience  toward  God.  Still,  the 
evil  may  not  be  without  its  remedy,  and 
must,  at  least,  be  endured. 

I  think  the  first  duty  of  the  Christian,  in 
such  a  case,  is  to  be  humbled  before  God, 
A  forbidden  union  has  been  formed.  A 
friend  of  Christ  has  joined  hands  and  heart 


48 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


with  an  enemy  of  God.  But  the  union  is 
irrevocable.  The  die  is  cast.  The  sacred 
seal  of  marriage  is  upon  the  parties,  and  it 
cannot  be  broken.  But  the  spirit,  the  car¬ 
nal  spirit,  which  led  you,  child  of  God,  tc 
give  your  affections  to  an  unrenewed  per¬ 
son,  can  and  must  be  mourned  over  before 
God,  until  you  are  assured  of  forgiveness 
and  peace. 

This  done,  the  kiss  of  peace  from  Mercy’s 
lips  having  sealed  your  pardon,  you  must 
dedicate  yourself  to  an  unwearied  effort  to 
bring  your  partner  to  Christ.  Assume  it  as 
a  settled  question,  that  you  must  either  con¬ 
vert  your  partner  or  be  yourself  lured  into 
a  sinful  life.  True,  the  maintenance  of 
your  present  moral  state  is  barely  possible ; 
but  it  is  a  fact  of  rare  experience  that  a 
saint  and  sinner  joined  in  marriage  bonds 
retain  their  respective  characters  until 
death.  No;  the  saint  either  wins  the  sin¬ 
ner  to  Christ,  or  apostatizes  under  the  car¬ 
nal  influence  of  the  Christless  companion. 
Of  you,  my  dear  reader,  I  hope  better  things, 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


49 


and  therefore  exhort  you  to  make  it  your 

CHIEF  WORK  TO  CONVERT  YOUR  COMPA¬ 
NION  to  Christ. 

To  succeed  in  this  Divine  work,  you 
must  commence  it  in  a  proper  manner. 
And  what  is  more  proper  than  simplicity 
and  frankness  on  the  subject?  Much  is 
often  lost  in  religious  effort  through  a  want 
of  a  full  and  free  explanation  between  the 
parties.  Opposition  springs  up,  when  a 
soul  might  be  saved  if  approached  in  a 
proper  manner. 

I  will  suppose  a  case,  by  way  of  illus¬ 
trating  what  I  think  is  the  most  likely 
method  of  commencing  an  effort  for  the 
salvation  of  a  husband  or  wife. 

A  young  lady,  I  will  call  her  Miss 
Emily  Churchill,  is  soundly  converted 
to  Christ.  Her  experience  is  so  clear,  her 
testimony  so  emphatic,  her  spirit  so  sweet 
and  humble,  that  none  doubt  the  reality  of 
the  gracious  work.  She  is  one  of  those 
Christians  who  can  say,  with  the  sacred 
poet, — 


4 


60 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


44  Not  a  cloud  doth  arise, 

To  darken  the  skies, 

Or  hide  for  one  moment 
My  Lord  from  my  eyes.” 

'  *  *  I  '  '  *  '  '  '  ’  r  7  i  .1 

This  heavenly  frame  is  maintained  for 
several  months,  when  a  young  gentleman, 
I  will  call  him  Mr.  Theodore  Hume, 
attracted  by  her  simple,  intellectual  beauty, 
begins  to  pay  her  some  especial  attentions. 
Mr.  Hume  is  respectable,  moral,  educated, 
the  son  of  pious  parents,  an  attendant  at 
the  house  of  God,  but  an  unconverted  man. 
He  treats  religion  with  cold  respect,  yet 
feels  towards  it  that  deep-rooted  aversion 
which  characterizes  every  man  who  is 
u  without  God  and  without  hope  in  the 
world.”  Still,  he  is  attracted  to  Miss 
Churchill  by  her  many  estimable  qualities ; 
and  though  he  would  prefer  a  lady  less 
puritanic  and  less  strict,  yet  he  resolves  to 
woo  and  to  wed  her  if  possible. 

Emily,  flattered  by  the  attentions  of  so 
amiable  a  young  gentleman,  admits  him 
freely  to  her  home.  Gradually  her  interest 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


51 


in  him  increases,  until,  before  she  is  hardly 
conscious  of  the  fact,  the  spell  of  love  is  on 
her  heart  Mr.  Hume,  emboldened  by  her 
obvious  regard  for  him,  proposes  marriage. 

Emily  is  embarrassed,  and  prudently  asks 
time  to  consider  so  weighty  a  question.  A 
conflict  ensues,  in  which  her  clear  religious 
duty  u  to  marry  only  in  the  Lord,”  con¬ 
tends  mightily  with  her  inclination  to  unite 
her  fortunes  with  those  of  her  beloved 
Theodore.  She  carries  the  matter  to  a 
throne  of  grace  for  direction ;  but  her 
heart,  already  captivated  by  her  lover,  is 
disinclined  to  really  submit  the  question  to 
God,  and,  consequently,  her  prayers  effect 
nothing.  Still,  she  battles  with  her  convic¬ 
tions,  and  by  a  process  of  self-deception, 
but  too  well  understood  by  those  who  study 
themselves,  she  persuades  herself  that  she 
may  violate  the  plain  will  of  God  concern¬ 
ing  the  marriage  of  believers,  and  be  guilt¬ 
less,  because,  forsooth,  she  hopes  Mr.  Theo¬ 
dore  Hume  may  in  some  time  to  come  be  a 
child  of  God.  UNIVERSITY  OF 

ILLINOIS  LIBRARY 
A1  URBANA-CHAMPjUQN 


52 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


They  stand  at  the  altar,  a  lovely  pair, 
“  the  admired  of  all  admirers.”  The  bridal 
weeks  pass  rapidly  away.  The  novelty  of 
her  new  state  is  gone.  The  romantic 
visions  of  courtship  have  given  place  to 
the  sober  realities  of  wedded  life,  with  all 
its  variety  of  pleasure  and  pain,  of  joy  and 
sorrow,  of  hopes  and  fears. 

Emily  has  been  the  subject  of  painful 
mismvinfrs  since  the  hour  in  which  she  de- 
cided  to  accept  Mr.  Hume  as  her  betrothed ; 
and  they  have  borne  their  baleful  fruit  in 
her  heart.  Her  religious  affections  have 
received  a  check ;  her  zeal  for  God  has 
diminished ;  her  faith  has  weakened :  and 
from  being  an  eminently  devoted  disciple, 
she  has  sunk  down  to  the  level  of  the  ordi¬ 
nary  and  powerless  professor.  And  not¬ 
withstanding  she  has  taken  her  place  in 
the  lemple  of  marriage,  and  is  the  mistress 
of  a  beautiful  home,  she  cannot  refrain 
from  a  frequent  and  sorrowful  gaze  at 
the  past  :  a  gaze  which  extorts  the 
cry  of, — 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


53 


**  What  peaceful  hours  I  once  enjoy’d ; 

IIow  sweet  their  mem’ry  still ! 

But  they  have  left  an  aching  void 
The  world  can  never  fill.” 

While  she  is  in  this  state  of  mind,  her 
pastor  preaches  a  pungent  discourse  on 
backsliding  in  heart.  The  arrow,  sharp 
with  pointed  truth,  enters  her  soul.  The 
religious  principle  revives  in  the  might  of 
its  Divine  power:  she  mourns  over  her 
error ;  and,  soliciting  forgiveness  from  God, 
resolves  to  do  what  may  yet  be  done  to 
atone  for  it,  by  seeking  to  win  her  husband 
to  Christ. 

This  is  all  6be  can  now  do.  Wishes  to 
escape  from  the  marriage  bond  would  be 
both  wrong  and  useless.  That  bond  is  in¬ 
dissoluble,  except  by  the  hand  of  death. 
Emily  understands  this,  and  hence  she 
fixes  her  attention  on  the  sole  remedy — • 
the  conversion  of  her  husband.  She  be¬ 
gins  the  work  by  a  conversation,  something 
like  the  following : — 

It  is  Sabbath  evening.  They  have  just 


54 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


returned  from  church,  where  they  have 
listened  to  a  very  solemn  discourse;  and 
are  seated  together  in  their  snug  little  par¬ 
lour.  Having  prepared  herself  by  previous 
prayer,  Emily  tremblingly  begins  her  im¬ 
portant  work  by  remarking,  u  We  have 
heard  a  very  weighty  sermon  to-night.” 

“  Yes,  if  all  is  true  that  the  preacher  said, 
it  was  weighty  enough  to  produce  some 
effect;  but  that  is  the  great  question.  Are 
these  things  all  true  ?” 

Emily  wisely  evades  the  controversy 
about  the  truth  of  the  Gospel,  which  her 
husband  seems  willing  to  provoke,  and  re¬ 
plies,  “  The  truth  of  the  Gospel  is  written 
on  our  own  hearts.  We  sin,  and  guilt  dis¬ 
turbs  our  peace.  We  instinctively  shrink 
from  the  future,  and  tremble  to  stand  un¬ 
masked  before  God.  Whereas,  if  we  ob¬ 
tain  the  forgiveness  of  those  sins  by  faith  in 
Jesus  Christ,  instead  of  dreading,  we  desire 
to  meet,  the  Judge  of  all.” 

This  appeal  to  experience  reminds  the 
young  husband  that  his  wife  is  a  professor 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


55 


of  the  Christian  faith,  and  he  inquires,  “  Do 
you  think,  Emily,  th^t  a  person  may  really 
know  his  sins  forgiven  ?” 

“Do  I  think  it?  Yes,  my  husband,  and 
I  know  it,  too,  by  my  own  sweet  expe¬ 
rience,”  the  young  wife  replies,  her  soul 
kindling  with  holy  ardour,  as  she  thus 
boldly  bears  witness  to  the  truth  of  Christ. 

“  You  seem  very  confident,  Emily,”  re¬ 
sponds  Mr.  Hume,  with  a  dryness  of  man¬ 
ner  whi^h  is  designed  to  cool  the  fervour  of 
his  wife. 

“  Yes,  I  am  confident,  because  the  power 
of  grace  on  my  spirit  has  been  too  manifest 
to  be  denied.  It  is  too  true,  however,  that 
for  several  months  I  have  lived  without  a 
clear  consciousness  of  the  favour  of  Christ. 
But  recently  the  favour  of  God  has  been 
restored  to  me,  and  my  joy  would  be  com¬ 
plete  but  for  one  fact.” 

“  What  is  that  one  fact,  Emily  ?”  asks 
Mr.  Hume. 

w  I  almost  tremble  to  utter  it,”  she  replies, 
as  the  tears  fill  her  expressive  eyes ;  “  but  I 


56 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


know  my  husband  will  not  be  angry.  I  am 
filled  with  concern,  ipy  dear  husband,  for 
the  safety  of  your  soul.  I  see  you  living  in 
an  unrenewed  state.  I  know  if  you  die 
thus,  we  shall  be  eternally  separated ;  and 
that  thought  is  distressing  to  me,  beyond 
my  power  to  express  it.” 

Mr.  Hume  is  moved,  as  any  husband 
would  be  under  similar  circumstances ;  but 
it  is  not  in  human  nature  to  yield  to  a 
single  attack  of  truth ;  so,  coughing  to  clear 
his  voice,  he  responds,  with  affected  indif¬ 
ference,  u  I  am  doing  well  enough,  Emily. 
I  think  you  need  not  be  troubled  on  my 
account.” 

u  O  say  not  so,  my  husband.  Your  soul 
is  in  danger.  I  cannot  rest  to  see  it  thus 
exposed.  How  can  I,  as  your  wife,  view 
the  possibility  of  our  endless  separation  in 
another  life  ?  Do,  my  dear  husband,  do  let 
me  persuade  you  to  yield  yourself  to  God, 
and  become  a  Christian.  Do  let  us  travel 
together  to  the  same  place,  that  we  may 
make  our  union  eternal.” 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


57 


The  husband’s  feelings  are  touched  still 
more  deeply  by  this  appeal.  He  feels  a 
movement  of  submission  to  God  in  his  soul. 
But,  in  the  same  instant,  the  pride  of  his 
heart  takes  fire ;  the  natural  aversion  of  his 
nature  to  the  holy  God  rises  into  life ;  and, 
suppressing  his  emotions,  he  responds,  “Why, 
Emily,  from  whence  does  this  new-born 
zeal  for  me  spring  forth  so  suddenly  ?  We 
have  been  intimate  for  two  vears,  and  mar- 
ried  several  months,  yet,  until  now,  you 
have  never  shown  the  existence  of  such 
emotions.  I  do  not  understand  this ;  neither 
do  I  feel  like  being  dragged  into  a  religious 
life  by  the  force  of  feeling.” 

Emily  perceives  the  ascendency  of  the 
carnal  nature  in  her  husband,  and  meekly 
explains  to  him  the  manner  of  her  back¬ 
sliding,  and  of  her  restoration  to  Divine 
favour.  Here  the  conversation  rests  for  the 
present.  A  beginning  has  been  made. 
The  husband  fully  understands  her  feel¬ 
ings  ;  and,  though  hating  religion,  cannot 
be  really  angry  with  his  Emily;  for  her 


58 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


humble  meekness  and  devoted  love  dis¬ 
arm  wrath  even  in  his  un  renewed 
mind. 

I  would  like  to  close  this  imaginary  dia¬ 
logue  by  supposing  the  speedy  success  of 
Emily ;  but  this  I  cannot  do  without  violat¬ 
ing  the  truth  of  human  experience.  Speedy 
conversions,  in  such  marriages,  though  pos¬ 
sible,  and  of  occasional  occurrence,  are  rare 
Those  Christians  who  marry  out  of  Christ 
usually  see  their  companions  remain  a  long 
time  in  the  same  state,  though  the  length 
of  the  period  depends,  after  a  proper  com¬ 
mencement  of  direct  effort,  on  the  con¬ 
sistency  of  the  Christian’s  life.  Let  that  be 
exemplary ;  let  the  direct  effort  be  pru¬ 
dently  continued,  and  accompanied  by  fer¬ 
vent  prayer,  and  an  early  conquest  may  be 
hoped  for. 

This  parabolic  story  needs  no  comment ; 
it  carries  its  own  instruction  to  the  reader, 
who  has  done  as  Emily  did.  I  trust  the 
high  purpose  and  holy  effort  of  our  imagi¬ 
nary  heroine  may  find  an  incarnation  and 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


5S 

an  actual  existence  in  the  experience  of 
such  readers. 

That  the  religious  party  in  one  of  these 
sinful  marriages  may  not  wholly  despair  of 
leading  the  other  party  into  the  delightful 
captivity  of  the  Gospel  of  Jesus,  I  will  re¬ 
late  a  fact,  which  I  find  in  a  recent  publica¬ 
tion  :* — 

“A  gentleman,”  says  this  writer,  “with 
whom  I  am  personally  acquainted,  had  for 
many  years  no  love  for  religion,  no  respect 
for  Christian  profession.  He  married  a 
lady  who  was  a  professed  Christian ;  but 
they  agreed  that,  on  the  subject  of  religion, 
they  would  disagree.  He  was  not  to  trouble 
her,  or  in  any  way  interfere  with  her  reli- 
gious  privileges  or  faith.  She  was  not  to 
trouble  him  on  the  subject  of  his  soul’s  sal¬ 
vation.  Some  years  after  his  marriage  he 
became  interested  upon  religion,  and  was 
a  hopeful  convert  to  God.  He  felt,  as 
every  child  of  God  will  feel,  that  he  ought 

*  “  Counsels  to  Married  Persons,”  by  Rev.  M.  H, 
Smith. 


60 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


to  erect  a  family  altar,  and  gather  his  house* 
hold  around  it,  for  service,  morning  and 
evening.  It  was  a  solemn  occasion.  The 
husband,  once  stout-hearted  and  rebellious, 
was  now  penitent  and  subdued — the  wife 
was  weeping  for  joy  at  the  mercy  of  God 
which  had  visited  her  house,  and  at  the 
answer  which  at  length  had  been  given  to 
prayer  long  continued — and  the  children 
wondered  at  the  strange  sight. 

u  All  were  together.  As  the  husband 
and  father  took  in  his  hand  the  holy  book 
of  God,  he  turned  to  his  wife,  and  said, — 
u  4 1  cannot  begin  this  solemn  service, 
and  erect  an  altar  here,  without  first  ac¬ 
knowledging  how  much  I  am  indebted  to 
you  as  an  instrument,  in  the  hands  of  God, 
of  my  conversion.  On  the  day  of  my  mar¬ 
riage  I  had  no  confidence  in  religion.  I 
was  a  mocker  at  the  truths  of  God.  I  said, 
my  wife  professes  to  be  a  Christian.  I  will 
see  in  her  conduct  what  religion  is ;  I  will 
know  if  there  is  any  reality  in  the  Chris¬ 
tian  profession.  From  that  moment  I  have 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


61 


had  my  eye  upon  you.  I  have  watched 
you  in  every  position  in  which  you  have 
been  placed.  I  have  seen  you  in  moments 
of  joy  and  grief;  in  your  relations  to  the 
family  and  to  the  Church;  in  those  hours 
of  relaxation  in  which  the  mind  is  unbent ; 
in  those  seasons  of  communion  with  your 
Saviour,  when,  with  a  firm  voice  and  fer¬ 
vent  spirit,  you  have  prayed  for  my  salva¬ 
tion  ;  and  when  you  knew  not  that  my  ear 
heard  your  petition.  I  have  seen  your  joy, 
as  you  have  clasped  the  new-born  babe  to 
your  bosom ;  and  I  have  witnessed  your 
anguish  as  you  have  laid  that  babe  in  the 
silent  grave.  I  became  satisfied  that  your 
religion  was  real;  that  you  were  actuated 
by  a  principle  that  I  did  not  possess ;  that 
you  were  sustained  by  a  power  to  which  I 
was  a  stranger.  To  your  holy  walk,  con¬ 
sistent  life,  and  godly  conversation,  I  owe 
my  salvation/ 

“  Tears  of  gratitude  choked  his  utter¬ 
ance:  his  wife,  no  longer  able  to  control 
her  feelings,  burst  out  in  loud  sobs  and 


62 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


cries ;  the  children  blended  their  small 
voices  with  the  voice  of  their  parents.  All 
fell  on  their  knees,  and  thus  erected  their 
first  family  altar.” 

This  was  certainly  a  happy  issue;  but 
the  risk  was  fearful,  and  the  trial  severe  to 
that  struggling  wife  before  the  hour  of 
triumph  came.  Let  her  success,  however, 
encourage  others  who  may  have  fallen  into 
a  similar  lot,  to  consistently  labour  for  the 
salvation  of  their  unconverted  partners. 

But  I  cannot  pass  from  this  question 
without  a  brief  appeal  to  the  unconverted 
husband  or  wife  who  has  married  a  Chris¬ 
tian  companion.  I  do  this  the  more  ear¬ 
nestly,  because  many  such  have  become 
SORE  persecutors  of  their  Christian 
partners ;  embittering  their  married  life 
for  no  other  cause  than  their  devotion  to 
Christ.  Perhaps  a  few  pictures,  roughly 
sketched  from  real  life,  may  best  exhibit 
the  wickedness,  the  contemptible 

MEANNESS,  and  THE  UNNATURAL  VILE¬ 
NESS  OF  SUCH  DOMESTIC  PERSECUTORS. 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


63 


A  young  man,  whom  I  will  designate 

Robert  Willis,  a  citizen  of - ,  owing 

cither  to  a  want  of  a  proper  understanding 
of  Christian  duty,  or  to  a  wilful  affection, 
married  an  unconverted  young  lady.  As 
is  usual  in  such  cases,  his  heart  was  in  a 
state  of  spiritual  defection,  and,  conse¬ 
quently,  he  did  not  attempt  the  erection 
of  a  family  altar  at  the  time  of  his  mar¬ 
riage.  Some  months  more  of  religious  de- 
linquency  followed,  when,  his  soul  being 
quickened,  he  proposed  to  begin  the  long- 
neglected  duty  of  family  prayer. 

u  No,”  said  his  wife ;  “  I  want  no  pray¬ 
ing.  We  have  got  along  without  it  thus 
far,  and  I  don’t  wish  to  begin  it  now.” 

“  But  I  feel  it  to  be  a  solemn  duty  I  owe 
to  God,  and  I  must  perform  it  or  lose  the 
favour  of  God.” 

“You  have  obtained  some  new  light,  I 
suppose.  Why  did  you  not  do  so  before  ?” 

Poor  Mr.  Willis  sighed  deeply  at  this 
unkind  question.  It  was  a  dart  thrust  into 
*  sore  place ;  but  repressing  his  feelings,  he 


64 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


replied,  “ Maria,  you  know  I  hare  been 
backslidden  for  a  long  time.  I  have  neg- 
lected  many  religious  duties;  but  am  now 
resolved,  by  the  help  of  God,  to  devote  my 
best  efforts  to  him  and  to  his  cause.” 

“Well,  do  as  you  please;  but  I  don’t 
want  any  praying  where  I  am,”  answered 
his  wicked  wife. 

But  Mr.  Willis  was  firm,  and  asserted  his 
unquestionable  right  as  a  husband  to  esta- 
blish  an  altar  for  God.  The  first  time,  his 
wife  contemptuously  sat  playing  with  the 
leaves  of  a  book  while  he  was  in  prayer. 
The  next,  she  noisily  left  the  room;  and 
scarcely  a  day  passed  in  which  she  did  not 
invent  some  petty  annoyance  to  discourage 
her  now  unhappy  husband.  At  length  her 
opposition  became  intolerable.  She  re¬ 
proached  him  with  bitter  names,  threw 
water  upon  him  as  he  knelt  in  prayer, 
and  at  last  dragged  him  to  the  floor  while 
he  was  in  the  act  of  pleading  with  God. 

The  poor  man  was  subdued.  Contend 
with  her,  he  would  not ;  to  persevere 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


65 


against  such  a  fierce,  unwomanly  spirit, 
lie  dared  not;  and  yielding  to  what  he 
considered  the  force  of  circumstances,  he 
ceased  to  pray :  his  spirit  was  humbled  and 
mortified;  his  domestic  peace  blasted  for¬ 
ever.  He  is  now 

“  An  old  inan,  hoary  white  with  eld 

and  she  is  an  old  woman:  but  both  are 
unhappy.  She  will  probably  die  in  her 
sins;  and  he,  if  he  reach  heaven  at  all, 
will  be  saved  so  as  by  fire. 

Thi^  painting  is  substantially  true :  its 
originals  move  within  the  sphere  of  my 
knowledge :  and  while  my  unknown  read¬ 
ers  contemplate  the  fiendlike  conduct  of 
Maria,  let  them  solemnly  vow  never  to  ac¬ 
quire  the  character  of  religious  persecutors, 
especially  in  domestic  life.  The  sword  of 
the  persecutor  always  inflicts  two  wounds  at 
one  blow.  His  victim  suffers  by  it ;  but  he 
suffers  also.  If,  then,  irreligious  husband 
or  wife,  you  have  a  pious  partner,  beware 
how  you  begin  to  persecute  or  oppose. 


66 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


The  peace  of  your  home,  to  sav  nothing 
of  your  obligations  to  God,  requires  you  to 
give  free  scope  to  the  religious  obligations 
of  your  pious  partner. 

I  have  known  some  irreligious  husbands 
to  forbid  their  Christian  wives  to  support 
the  Gospel ;  to  refuse  to  hire  seats  for  them 
at  church ;  to  scold  them  if  they  were  not 
home  from  meeting  precisely  at  nine 

o’clock.  Others  I  have  known  who  hin- 

* 

dercd  them  from  going  to  meeting  by  pre¬ 
tending  they  felt  neglected  and  slighted  by 

their  absence.  And  I  knew  one  man,  who 

% 

actually  forbade  his  wife’s  pastor  from  call- 
incr  at  his  house.  Such  acts  as  these  are 
unmanly:  and  if  their  perpetrators  knew 
the  estimate  formed  of  their  characters  by 
the  public,  they  would  refrain  for  very 
shame’s  sake. 

These  counsels  to  the  bridal  pair  may 
appear  strange  and  ill-timed.  With  them 
it  is  the  hour  of  love.  They  are  not  yet 
fairly  out  on  the  sea  of  domestic  life.  Their 
gay  bark  is  as  yet  only  floating,  with  stream- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


67 


ers  flying,  on  the  smooth  surface  of  the 
matrimonial  harbour.  It  is  well,  therefore, 
for  them  to  look  out  into  the  sea,  whose 
waters  they  must  cross:  and  this  is  the 
more  needful,  because  they  have  their 
choice  between  the  stormy  Atlantic  of  do¬ 
mestic  discord,  and  the  quiet  placid  Pacific 
of  family  harmony.  A  view  of  the  former 
3hould  have  the  effect  of  saving  them  from 
venturing  on  its  boisterous  bosom.  Let 
Tasso’s  pilot  teach  them  a  valuable  lesson : 

“  The  pilot,  who,  from  the  capricious  wind, 

O’er  seas  where  quicksands  lurk  and  breakers  roar, 
Has  steer’d  his  vessel  to  the  port  assign’d, 

Should  gather  in  his  canvass,  heave  ashore, 

Nor  trust  the  traitor  winds  and  cruel  ocean  more.” 


Thus,  warning  should  have  the  effect  of 
experience.  Let  the  irreligious  bride  or 
bridegroom  learn  from  the  sorrows  of  others 

f. 

that  the  best  course  is  to  unite  with  the 
pious  companion,  and  live  together  in  the 
embraces  of  a  chaste  affection,  sanctified  by 
a  fervent  piety.  Such  a  life  is  the  nearest 
to  the  life  of  heaven  permitted  to  mortals. 


68 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


<DEL&3PI5I3SI& 


“  Every  beginning  is  shrouded  in  a  mist,* 
says  the  poet;  and  he  adds,  “  The  traveller 
setteth  out  on  his  journey  oppressed  'with 
many  thoughts.”  The  experience  of  the 
newly  married  will  soon  prove  the  truth  of 
the  poet’s  utterances,  for  new  dangers  will 
start  at  every  advancing  step,  and  the 
future  will  often  look  cloudy  to  the  anx¬ 
ious  eye. 

A  happy  domestic  life  should  be  regarded 
as  a  prize  worth  having,  even  at  the  cost  of 
many  struggles.  Nor  can  it  be  reached 
without  high  purposes  and  decided  efforts. 
Still,  if  you  both  determine  to  enjoy  it,  it 
will  unquestionably  be  yours. 

In  becoming  man  and  wife,  you  have  not 
only  changed  your  relation  to  each  other, 
but  to  your  respective  families.  Both  have 
been  admitted  into  a  new  family,  and  very 
much  of  your  conjugal  happiness  depends 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


69 


on  the  union  of  your  families  now  brought 
into  intimate  connexion  by  your  marriage. 
A  delightful  harmony,  a  troublesome  jea¬ 
lousy,  or  a  painful  indifference  will  shortly 
spring  up  to  bless  or  to  trouble  you.  By 
proper  caution  on  both  sides,  an  harmonious 
union,  which  will  make  sweet  music,  may 
be  permanently  established. 

Should  there  be  a  step-mother  or  a 
maiden  sister  who  has  previously  acted  as 
house-keeper  for  the  bridegroom,  the  young 
wife  may  have  a  task  to  perform  which  will 
demand  the  employment  of  all  her  energies. 

In  such  a  case,  it  is  the  duty  of  the  hus¬ 
band  to  transfer,  fully  and  formally,  all 
domestic  management  from  his  mother  or 
sister  to  his  wife.  There  cannot  be  two 
mistresses  in  one  domestic  establishment; 
and  it  is  the  right  of  the  wife  to  preside  as 
a  queen  over  her  own  household.  Any 
attempt  to  divide  authority  between  hei 
and  another  will  certainly  create  trouble ; 
while  no  sensible  mother  or  sister  will  com¬ 
plain,  if,  at  the  kind  wish  of  the  son  or 


70 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


brother,  she  is  requested  to  defer  to  the 
^wful  mistress  of  his  home ;  though  very 
much  depends  on  the  gentleness  and  kind¬ 
ness  with  which  the  bride  exercises  that 
authority.  She  should  do  it  with  all  that 
love  and  respect  which  becomes  a  daughter 
or  sister-in-law. 

A  melancholy  example  of  the  impro 
priety  of  continuing  the  authority  of  a 
mother-in-law  in  a  household,  after  the 
introduction  of  a  wife,  is  furnished  in  the 
experience  of  the  celebrated  Madame 
Guion.  It  is  probable  that  cases  exactly 
similar  are  of  rare  occurrence;  yet  the 
young  husband,  whose  mother  will  con¬ 
tinue  to  be  an  inmate  of  his  dwelling,  may 
be  benefited  by  a  glance  at  this  feature  in 
Madame  Guion’s  history.  She  describes 
her  bridal  reception  in  her  husband's  home 
in  the  following  language  : — 

“No  sooner  was  I  at  the  house  of  my 
husband,  than  I  perceived  it  would  be  for 
me  a  house  of  mourning .  In  my  father’s 
House  every  attention  had  been  paid  to  my 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS  7l 

manners.  I  had  been  encouraged  to  speak 
freely  on  the  various  questions  which  were 
started  in  our  family  circle.  There,  every- 
thing  was  set  off  in  full  view ;  everything 
Vras  characterized  by  elegance.  But  it  was 
Very  different  in  the  house  of  my  husband, 
tvhich  was  chiefly  under  the  direction  of 
Jiis  mother,  who  had  long  been  a  widow, 
pnd  who  regarded  nothing  else  but  saving. 
The  elegance  of  my  father’s  house  they 
{sneered  at  as  pride.  If  I  had  occasion  tc 
speak,  I  was  listened  to  only  to  be  contra¬ 
dicted  and  reproved.  If  I  spoke  well,  they 
paid  I  was  endeavouring  to  give  them  a 
lesson  in  good  speaking.  If  I  uttered  my 
opinions  on  any  subject  of  discussion  which 
came  up,  I  was  charged  with  desiring  to 
enter  into  a  dispute ;  and  instead  of  being 
applauded,  I  was  simply  told  to  hold  my 
iongue,  and  was  scolded  from  morning  till 
light.” — Abridged  from  Professor  Uphcun’s 
fe  of  Madame  Guion. 

How  suddenly  must  this  treatment  have 

: 

Extinguished  the  bright  hopes  of  love  in 


72 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


this  young  bride’s  heart !  It  was  even  so. 
Sorrow  became  her  portion.  Her  hymeneal 
star  set  in  the  black  clouds  of  domestic 
misery.  The  sweet  waters  of  love  turned 
to  wormwood  in  the  marriage  cup.  She 
has  left  a  picture,  drawn  by  her  own  pencil, 
of  the  state  to  which  this  treatment  reduced 
her.  She  says : — 

“  My  condition  was  every  way  deplorable. 
My  step-mother  secured  her  object.  My 
proud  spirit  broke  under  her  system  of 
coercion.  Married  to  a  person  of  rank,  I 
found  myself  a  slave  in  my  own  dwelling. 
The  treatment  which  I  received  so  im¬ 
paired  the  vivacity  of  my  nature,  that  I 
became  dumb,  like  ‘  the  lamb  that  is  shear¬ 
ing.’  Terror  took  possession  of  my  mind. 
I  lost  all  power  of  resistance.  Under  the 
rod  of  my  despotic  mistress  I  sat  dumb, 
and  almost  idiotic.  Those  who  had  heard-' 
of  me,  but  had  never  seen  me  before,  said 
one  to  another, 4  Is  this  the  person  who  sits 
thus  silent  like  a  piece  of  statuary,  that  was 
famed  for  such  an  abundance  of  wit  ?’  In 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


73 


this  situation  I  found  no  one  . .  .  who  might 
share  my  grief,  and  help  me  to  bear  it.  To 
have  made  known  my  feelings  and  trials  to 
my  parents,  would  only  have  occasioned 
new  crosses.  I  was  alone  and  helpless  in 
my  grief.” — Upham’s  Life  of  Madame 
Guion, 

The  husband  who  could  suffer  so  beau¬ 
tiful  and  amiable  a  woman  as  Madame 
Guion  to  be  crushed  in  the  dust  by  the 
tyrannical  foot  of  his  imperious  mother, 
can  hardly  escape  our  contempt.  Mobile 
towards  the  mother  herself  we  can  but  feel 
unmixed  disgust.  The  mere  exhibition  of 
such  an  odious  family  picture  is  sufficient 
to  inspire  either  son  or  mother  with  an 
immutable  resolution  never  to  copy  the 
unpardonable  silence  of  Monsieur  Guion, 
or  to  resemble  his  cruel,  heartless  mother. 

Where  there  are  no  relatives  of  either 
husband  or  wife  resident  in  the  newly 
formed  home,  caution  is  still  requisite  to 
bring  all  portions  of  the  two  families  into 
permanent  harmony.  Nothing  good  is  ob- 


74 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


tained  by  accident ;  and  this  very  desirable 
object  can  be  attained  only  by  fixed  pur¬ 
poses  and  determined  effort.  But  the 
means  are  simple  and  easy.  Only  let  the 
young  husband  and  wife  refrain  from  ali 
acts  and  expressions  which  imply  contempt 
of  each  other’s  relations,  and  then  let  them 
manifest  a  kind,  courteous,  affectionate 
spirit,  and  all  will  be  well.  The  families 
of  each  will  acquire  regard  and  re¬ 
spect  for  each  other,  their  means  of  so¬ 
cial  enjoyment  be  thereby  enlarged,  and 
the  blessings  of  all  parties  descend  on  the 
heads  of  the  happy  pair,  by  whose  union 
they  have  become  interested  in  each  other. 
Constant  family  correspondence  is  one  link 
in  that  golden  chain  of  friendship  which 
should  bind  those  families  together  who 
have  become  connected  by  intermar¬ 
riages,  and  should  on  no  account  be 
peglected. 

Every  bride  and  bridegroom  have  old 
friends,  whose  influence  will  still  affect 
their  enjoyment.  IIow  to  make  that  in- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS.  75 

fluence  blessed  is  also  a  question  worthy  of 
brief  consideration. 

I  can  best  convey  my  meaning  on  one 
point  concerning  old  friends  by  sketching 
an  ideal  picture,  promising  the  reader, 
however,  that  in  this  sketch  I  shall  be  true 
to  the  reality  of  many  experiences. 

I  will  name  my  heroine  Henrietta. 
She  was  a  fair,  gay  maiden,  with  many 
suitors.  But  as  she  was  no  coquette,  she 
gave  especial  encouragement  to  none  until 
young  Henry  Burgess  Avon  her  affec¬ 
tions.  To  him  she  surrendered  her  heart, 
and  to  him  she  seriously  promised  her 
hand.  Henry  and  Henrietta  were  there¬ 
fore  considered  by  the  friends  of  both  as 
destined  for  each  other. 

But  Henry  had  a  fickle  mind.  While 
he  remained  near  his  chosen  one  he  Avas 
faithful  to  his  pledges ;  but  the  providence 
of  God  removed  him  to  a  distant  city.  At 
first,  his  letters  were  frequent  and  satis¬ 
factory;  but  they  soon  became  feAv  and 
far  betAveen,  and  finally  ceased  altogether. 


76 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


At  length  Henrietta  was  informed  that  he , 
was  engaged  to  another. 

She  was  grieved,  wounded,  hurt.  But 
being  a  girl  of  strong  mind,  she  gradually 
rose  above  the  trial,  and,  after  a  long  pe¬ 
riod,  consented  to  receive  the  attentions  of 
another,  whom  in  due  time  she  wedded. 

It  happened  some  months  subsequent  to 
her  marriage  that  her  former  suitor,  Henry, 
returned  to  settle  in  his  native  town.  He 
was  still  a  single  man,  having  been  as  fickle 
to  his  lady  abroad  as  he  had  been  to  Hen¬ 
rietta  at  home.  Such  were  the  habits  of 
the  place,  that  they  could  not  avoid  meet¬ 
ing  each  other  occasionally ;  and,  as  Hen¬ 
rietta  was  of  a  forgiving  spirit,  his  apologies 
for  his  infidelity  to  his  purposes  were  ac¬ 
cepted,  and  he  was  invited  by  Henrietta 
and  her  husband  to  call. 

He  did  so.  Henrietta  still  felt  a  strong 
regard  for  him,  notwithstanding  his  unfaith¬ 
fulness,  and  was  rather  pleased  than  other¬ 
wise  with  his  frequent  visits.  By  degrees 
he  grew  quite  familiar,  until  Henrietta's 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


77 


husband  began  to  be  troubled  with  feelings 

C  c 

of  jealousy — feelings,  it  must  be  admitted, 
which  were  quite  natural  under  such  cir¬ 
cumstances. 

One  evening  her  husband  very  kindly 
said,  “  I  do  not  like  to  see  Mr.  Burgess  so 
frequently  at  our  house.” 

The  young  wife  blushed  slightly,  and  re¬ 
plied,  “Why,  what  harm  can  there  be  in 
his  friendly  visits,  Edwin  ?” 

“  Perhaps  there  is  none ;  but  I  should  be 
better  pleased  if  his  visits  were  more  formal 
and  not  so  frequent.” 

“But,  Edwin,  what  can  be  your  objec¬ 
tions  to  Mr.  Burgess  ?” 

“  I  have  no  special  objections ;  but  I 
wish  you  to  discourage  his  visits.” 

“  Would  you  have  me  act  uncivilly  to 
wards  him  ?”  , 

“  By  no  means.  Merely  let  him  under¬ 
stand  that  his  relations  to*  us,  while  they 
are  friendlv,  must  not  be  familiar.” 

“  You  talk  strangely,  Edwin.  I  hope 
you  are  not  jealous.” 


78  BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 

“  No,  Henrietta,  I  am  not  jealous ;  but 
such  were  Mr.  Burgess’s  relations  to  you 
before  our  marriage,  that  I  consider  his 
present  familiarity  highly  improper,  and 
shall  expect  you  to  discourage  it.” 

Henrietta  looked  slightly  indignant ;  but 
biting  her  lips,  she  repressed  her  anger, 
and  was  silent.  A  breach  was  made  in 
their  peace,  which  grew  wider  and  wider, 
resulting  at  last  in  bitter  quarrels,  mutual 
reproaches,  and  permanent  misery. 

The  reader  is,  without  doubt,  prepared 
to  pass  a  sentence  of  imprudence  upon 
Henrietta.  She  deserves  it;  and  if  the 
bride  or  bridegroom  who  studies  her  pic¬ 
ture,  and  has  had  similar  connexions,  will 
learn  the  lesson,  that  old  friends  of  the 

OPPOSITE  SEXES  FOR  WHOM  STRONG  AT¬ 
TACHMENTS  HAVE  BEEN  FORMED  ARE 

9 

NOT  NOW  TO  BE  RECEIVED  AS  INTIMATE 
friends,  I  shali  not  have  drawn  my  sketch 
in  vain.  For  a  wife  to  receive  marked 
attentions  from  a  previous  suitor,  or  a  hus¬ 
band  to  exhibit  a  peculiar  interest  in  a 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


70 

lady  he  formerly  wooed,  is  not  only  ob¬ 
viously  improper,  but  will  be  a  sure  cause 
of  jealousy,  disagreement,  and  misery.  Such 
old  friendships  are  not,  therefore,  to  be  cul- 
ti  vated. 

It  is  also  possible  that  some  individuals 
among  your  old  friends  may  be  disagree¬ 
able  to  one  of  you.  Some  female  friend 
of  the  bride  may  be  unwelcome  to  the  hus¬ 
band,  or  some  male  friend  of  the  husband 
an  object  of  prejudice  to  the  bride.  In 
either  case,  it  is  best  to  discontinue  such 
intimacies,  especially  if  the  dislike  has  a 
plausible  occasion  in  the  character,  habits, 
or  manners  of  the  parties.  The  choice  lies 
between  the  loss  o+*  an  old  associate  or  of 
conjugal  unity;  and  in  such  a  case  there  is 
no  room  for  a  moment’s  hesitation.  Never¬ 
theless,  it  would  be  wise  in  both  to  yield  to 
each  other’s  preferences  and  friendships  as 
far  as  possible. 

In  your  new  relation  to  each  other  you 
will  find  it  necessary  to  form  some  new 
friendships ;  but  it  is  not  wise  to  form  many 


80 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


intimate  friendships.  While  every  Chris¬ 
tian’s  bosom  heaves  with  good-will  towards 
all,  his  confidence  can  be  given  to  very 
few.  To  married  persons,  especially,  confi¬ 
dants  are  unnecessary ;  they  can,  and  ought 
to  confide  in  each  other.  The  writer  of 
u  Proverbial  Philosophy  ”  (M.  F.  Tupper) 
speaks  thus  strongly.  He  says : — 

“Let  no  one  have  thy  confidence,  O  wife,  saving 
thine  husband : 

Have  not  a  friend  more  intimate,  O  husband,  than 
thy  wife.” 

This  is  good  counsel.  Probably  no  one 
cause  has  disturbed  the  harmony  of  domestic 
intercourse  more  than  the  imprudent  ad¬ 
mission  of  others  to  the  confidence  of  man 
or  wife.  The  wife  has  poured  out  the 
griefs  of  her  heart,  described  the  faults  of 
her  husband,  and  vented  her  spleen  at 
certain  unsatisfactory  arrangements  in  her 
home  or  circumstances  to  some  female 
friend.  That  friend,  perhaps  thought¬ 
lessly,  through  a  mere  intention  to  sym¬ 
pathize,  has  fallen  in  with  the  opinions  of 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


81 


the  complaining  wife ;  lias  persuaded  her 
that  she  has  great  hardships  to  endure,  and 
even  intimated  the  propriety  of  resistance. 
Thus  musing,  in  a  wrong  direction,  upon 
her  little  griefs,  the  young  wife's  trials 
have  magnified  themselves  from  real  mole- 
hills  into  ideal  mountains.  Her  spirit  has 
contracted  sourness  and  discontent;  her 
affections  have  cooled  toward  her  husband ; 
.  confidence  between  them  has  ceased,  and 
I  heir  lives  have  passed  away  unhappily: 
and  all  this  through  the  influence  of  an 
injudicious  friend. 

Young  reader,  let  me  implore  you  to 
'•void  this  ruinous  catastrophe.  Have 
iriends,  few,  select,  worthy  ;  but  have  only 
one  confidant — the  partner  of  your  bosom. 
Only  let  a  perfect  confidence  exist  between 
1  ourselves,  and  your  hearts  will  not  sigh 
!  >r  the  intruding  counsels  of  others.  Hear 
*ur  philosophizing  poet  once  more : — 

“  If  thou  wilt  be  loved,  render  implicit  confidence  : 

If  thou  wouldst  not  suspect,  receive  full  confidence 
in  turn : 


6 


2 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


For  where  trust  is  not  reciprocal,  the  love  that 
trusted  withereth. 

Hide  not  your  grief  nor  your  gladness ;  be  open  one 
with  the  other ; 

Let  bitterness  be  strange  unto  your  tongues  ;  but 

,  i 

sympathy  a  dweller  in  your  hearts. 

Imparting  halveth  the  evils,  while  it  doubleth  the 
pleasures  of  life ; 

But  sorrows  breed  and  thicken  in  the  gloomy  bosom 
of  reserve.” — Tupper. 


I  once  knew  a  married  lady,  virtuous, 
affectionate,  and  pious,  into  whose  family 
a  young  gentleman  of  respectable  character 
and  insinuating  manners  was  introduced  foi 
a  few  days.  The  lady’s  husband  was  very 
properly  accustomed  to  call  his  wife  by 
her  name,  Emma.  The  gentleman  visitor, 
hitherto  a  stranger,  had  not  been  domiciled 
with  them  more  than  two  days  before  he 
also  began  to  speak  to  the  lady  by  the 
name  of  Emma.  And  the  husband  had  to 
endure  the  mortification  of  hearing  his  wife 
hourly  addressed  after  the  following  man¬ 
ner  by  one  who  was  almost  a  stranger  j 
"  Emma,  will  you  take  a  walk  this  after* 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


83 


noon  ?”  or,  “  Emma,  how  do  you  like  this 
author  ?”  or,  “  Emma,  I  will  thank  you  for 
another  cup  of  tea.” 

The  lady  received  this  familiar  address 
with  evident  pleasure.  It  was  innocently 
offered,  and  as  purely  received.  But  what 
bride  cannot  see  the  imprudency  of  that 
wife  ?  Learn,  then,  young  bride  and 
bridegroom,  that  even  innocent  familiari¬ 
ties  are  not  to  be  allowed  between  you  and 
persons  of  opposite  sexes.  Compel  all  who 
enter  your  habitation  to  observe  the  strict¬ 
est  proprieties  of  Christian  intercourse,  by 
maintaining  a  becomingly  dignified  deport¬ 
ment,  and  discouraging  the  first  approaches 
toward  their  violation.  A  contrary  course 
has  entailed  jealousy  and  ruin  on  the  par¬ 
ties  times  without  number. 


84 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


^THo 

mb  ttg  &ramgemmt0« 

Your  relation  of  man  and  wife  occasion! 
a  necessity  hitherto  unfelt  You  need  a 
home  which  you  may  call  your  own,  and  n 
which  you  will  be  the  sovereigns.  Hitherto 
you  have  been  dwellers  in  the  home  of 
your  parents  ;  now  you,  in  your  turn,  must 
create  a  home  for  yourselves.  The  cha¬ 
racter  of  that  home  depends  entirely  upon 
yourselves.  You  may  be  rich,  and  some 
proud  mansion,  with  it3  soft  carpets  and 
stately  rooms,  may  await  your  occupation ; 
or  you  may  be  poor,  and  some  humble  cot, 
with  its  simple  furniture,  may  be  your  lot. 
Which  of  these  two  extremes  is  yours,  mat¬ 
ter  but  little ;  indeed,  the  outward  appear¬ 
ance  has  very  little  to  do  with  the  character 
of  the  home  you  are  about  to  form.  It  is  in 
your  power  to  create  a  domestic  heaven  in 
the  lowliest  cottage ;  you  can  suffer  the  tor¬ 
ments  of  a  social  hell  in  the  most  princely 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


85 


dwelling.  Whether,  therefore,  your  sphere 
be  that  of  merchant  princes,  of  the  sturdy 
tillers  of  the  soil,  the  laborious  artisans,  the 
toilers  in  professional  life,  or  of  those  whose 
only  capital  and  skill  lie  in  their  strength 
of  muscle  and  their  will  to  labour,  you 
should  make  an  immutable  purpose  to 
create  a  happy  home, — a  home  like  that 
of  Montgomery’s  shepherd, — 

“  The  fairy  ring  of  bliss.” 

As  the  power  to  do  so  lies  within  your¬ 
selves,  be  resolute  to  call  it  forth.  Your 
will,  more  potent  than  Aladdin’s  lamp,  can 
call  into  existence,  if  not  the  most  splendid, 
at  least  the  most  happy  home  on  earth. 

But  to  do  this  some  prudent  forethought 
is  necessary.  Mountains,  you  know,  are 
composed  of  atoms,  and  oceans  of  tiny 
drops.  These  are  so  essential,  that  if  the 
atoms  and  drops  be  taken  away,  the  moun¬ 
tains  and  oceans  disappear.  It  is  even  so 
with  a  happy  home.  If  certain  little  prac¬ 
tical  things  are  lacking  in  its  formation,. 


S6 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


it  will  soon  cease  to  be  the  abode  of 
bliss. 

It  would  be  great  folly,  even  for  a  bird, 
if  a  pair  of  newly  mated  swallows  should 
build  an  eagle’s  nest  on  the  summit  of  a 
tall  mountain  crag  for  their  home.  Per¬ 
haps  the  world  contains  no  pair  of  swal¬ 
lows  sufficiently  unwise  to  build  such  a 
nest.  No ;  the  little  creatures,  taught  by 
their  divine  instincts,  prefer  the  lowlier 
shelter  of  house  or  barn.  It  would  have 
been  well  for  many  a  human  pair  had  they 
taken  lessons  in  prudence  from  the  birds, 
as  the  following  etching  from  real  life  will 

u  o 

prove : — 

Mr.  Stephen  Hale  and  Miss  Maria 
Adams  became  man  and  wife.  They 
spent  their  honey-moon  with  their  friends, 
and,  after  some  six  or  eight  weeks,  made 
preparations  to  create  a  home  for  them¬ 
selves.  Mr.  Hale  was  a  retail  merchant, 
doing  a  business  which  gave  him  an  in¬ 
come  of  about  six  hundred  dollars.  His 
bride  brought  him  a  small  sum,  perhaps 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


87 


three  hundred  dollars ;  all  his  capital  was 
invested  in  his  business,  and  could  not  be 
safely  withdrawn. 

Their  first  attempt  was  to  hire  a  suitable 
tenement.  They  proceeded,  in  company, 
to  examine  the  various  habitations  which 
were  “  to  let.”  Several  were  rejected  as 
too  small,  too  large,  or  inconvenient.  At 
last  they  found  two  adapted  to  their  ne 
cessities. 

“  Well,  Maria,  which  shall  I  hire  ?”  askef 
Mr.  Hale  on  their  return  home. 

“I  prefer  the  one  on  B - street;  it 

in  the  most  genteel  street,  and  is  moi 
fashionably  finished.  The  paper  in  th 
parlour  is  very  beautiful,”  replies  th 
young  wife. 

w  Yes,  that  is  all  true,  Maria ;  and  I  pre 
fer  that  house  as  a  matter  of  taste ;  bu 

since  the  other,  in  D -  street,  is  we 

situated,  very  convenient,  and  twenty-fiv 
dollars  per  annum  less  rent,  I  am  incline 
to  engage  it  as  a  matter  of  economy.” 

u  0, 1  hope  you  won’t,  Stephen.  Twenty 


88 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


five  dollars  on  a  year’s  rent  is  not  much. 

The  house  in  B -  street  is  so  genteelly 

finished,  and  will  look  so  beautiful  when  it 
is  furnished ;  I  do  hope  you  will  take  my 
choice.” 

44  But,  Maria,  had  we  not  better  study 
economy?  One  hundred  and  seventy  dol¬ 
lars  a  year  is  a  very  high  rent  for  me  to 
pay  in  my  circumstances.  I  can  manage 
pretty  well  to  pay  one  hundred  and  forty- 
five,  though  that  is  high  for  my  re¬ 
sources.” 

44 1  know  it  is  rather  high  for  us  to  pay ; 
but  do  let  us  take  it  for  one  year,  and  we 
will  try  to  economize  in  some  other  way.” 

When  could  a  fond  young  husband  re¬ 
sist  the  pleadings  of  a  coaxing  bride  ?  The 
reader  already  anticipates  the  result.  Ma¬ 
ria  is  successful.  The  house  in  B - street? 

is  hired. 

This  done,  they  proceed  to  select  their 
furniture.  It  has  been  agreed  between 
them  that  to  enable  Mr.  Hale  to  proceed 
unembarrassed  in  his  business,  Maria’s 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


89 


three  hundred  dollars  should  be  expended 
on  furniture.  With  ordinary  prudence  in 
the  purchases,  this  sum  would  prove  amply 
sufficient. 

But  their  house  is  in  a  genteel  neighbour¬ 
hood,  and  must  be  genteelly  furnished. 
They  must  have  at  least  one  room  fit  to 
receive  company.  The  carpet,  therefore, 
must  be  Brussels ;  the  tables  of  the  newest 
fashion;  the  chairs  mahogany:  they  must 
have  a  set  of  candelabras,  an  astral,  and  a 
fine  sofa.  Thus  pleaded  Maria;  the  hus¬ 
band  yielded,  though  with  some  misgivings, 
and  when  they  had  selected  their  parlour 
furniture  one-half  of  Maria’s  money  was 
expended. 

Still,  the  idea  of  gentility  prevailed. 
They  went  on  purchasing,  until,  when  all 
was  obtained,  and  the  bills  came  in,  Mr. 
Hale  found  himself  obliged  to  draw  upon 
his  business  resources  for  one  hundred 
dollars. 

“  Never  mind,  Stephen :  if  I  had  not  had 
my  three  hundred  dollars  it  would  have 


90 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


cost  you  much  more,  you  know.  And  see 
how  nice  our  rooms  appear!  Isn’t  this 
parlour  genteel ?  And  our  sitting-room  is 
almost  good  enough  for  a  parlour.  Now 
tell  me,  don’t  you  think  everything  is  in 
beautiful  order?” 

Mr.  Hale  is,  of  course,  silenced,  if  not 
convinced,  by  these  bridal  persuasives. 
They  are  now  fairly  out  on  the  fickle  sea 
of  domestic  life.  For  a  time  the  wind 
seems  favourable,  the  waters  are  tolerably 
smooth,  and  the  sky  clear.  After  a  few 
months,  however,  a  cloud  lowers.  Maria 
must  keep  a  servant.  Stephen  is  willing, 
but  fears  he  cannot  meet  the  additional 
expense.  His  business  still  feels  the  loss 
of  that  hundred  dollars  expended  for  furni¬ 
ture,  and  the  rent  makes  a  heavy  draught 
on  his  income.  Still,  there  is  no  alterna¬ 
tive.  Maria’s  health  is  growing  delicate, 
and  a  servant  is  added  to  the  family. 

The  first  year  of  their  married  life  is 
gone.  A  fine  little  boy  is  in  the  arms  of 
Mr.  Hale,  who  feels  a  manly  pride  as  he 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


91 


beholds  this  new  treasure.  The  sickness 
of  Maria,  and  her  unwillingness  to  leave  so 
genteel  a  neighbourhood,  prevents  them  from 

moving,  and  the  house  in  B -  street  is 

hired  for  another  year. 

Expenses  continue  to  increase  in  the 
little  family,  until,  at  the  expiration  of  the 
second  year,  Mr.  Hale  ^ascertains  that  he 
has-  exceeded  his  income,  and  is  going  be¬ 
hind.  He  pleads  with  Maria  to  move  into 
a  cheaper  house ;  but  her  pleadings  are 

still  successful.  The  house  in  B - street 

is  engaged  the  third  year. 

That  third  year  has  not  expired  ere  Mr. 
Stephen  Hale  is  insolvent.  He  settles  as 
he  can  with  his  creditors,  and,  much  morti¬ 
fied,  removes  his  residence  to  a  much 
cheaper  and  really  inferior  house.  He  is 
a  discouraged  man,  and  henceforth  strug¬ 
gles  to  find  a  maintenance  for  his  growing 
family ;  whereas,  by  prudent  economy  in  the 
commencement,  he  might  have  lived  with¬ 
out  embarrassment 

There  are  thousands  of  families  situated 


92 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


as  we  have  just  left  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Hale, 
who  begin  their  married  life  under  equally 
favourable  auspices,  and  who,  by  prudent 
arrangements,  might  have  lived  out  all 
their  days  in  pecuniary  comfort.  They 
have  learned  the  truth  of  Poor  Richard’s 
proverb :  “  Pride  breakfasted  with  plenty, 
dined  with  poverty,  and  supped  with  in¬ 
famy.” 

If  the  bridal  pair,  into  whose  hands  these 
pages  may  fall,  will  follow  the  few  simple 
rules  which  I  am  about  to  give,  they  will 
almost  infallibly  escape  the  fate  of  Maria 
and  her  husband. 

And,  first  of  all,  there  should  be  a  frank 
and  full  explanation  of  your  pecuniary  re¬ 
sources.  The  husband  must  let  his  wife 
know  precisely  what  his  means  are.  You 
must  then  agree  together  to  keep  your  ex¬ 
penditures  within  your  income.  They  must 
not  be  on  a  scale  of  equality  with  it,  be¬ 
cause  you  are  liable  to  a  variety  of  casual 
expenses  which  can  be  met  only  by  having 
some  surplus  resources.  Adopt  this,  there- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


93 


fore,  as  an  imperative  rule,  “We  will 

LIVE  WITHIN  OUR  INCOME.” 

This  is  easily  said,  but  not  so  easily  done ; 
especially  if  your  income  is  barely  sufficient 
for  comfortable  support.  Much  decision, 
self-denial,  and  economical  skill,  will  be 
requisite  to  carry  your  resolution  into  prac¬ 
tice.  You  must  regulate  the  rent  of  your 
dwelling,  the  character  of  your  diet,  the 
costliness  of  your  clothing,  and  especially 
your  little  expenses ,  by  this  rule.  The 
habits  of  others,  and  even  their  remarks  on 
your  mode  of  living,  must  exert  no  influ¬ 
ence  over  your  purpose.  The  peace  and 
happiness  of  your  entire  life  depend,  in  a 
very  high  degree,  upon  the  habits  of  ex¬ 
penditure  formed  during  the  first  years  of 
your  married  life. 

To  carry  out  this  principle  with  success, 
you  will  find  it  necessary  to  keep  an  exact 
account  of  your  expenditures.  A  little  book 
can  be  easily  procured  for  this  purpose.  By 
this  means  you  can  tell  at  a  glance  the  pre¬ 
cise  state  of  your  affairs.  It  will  also  serve 


94 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


as  a  powerful  check  on  your  small  expenses . 
The  little  sums  paid  out  for  ices,  confec¬ 
tionary,  pastry,  cigars,  perfumeries,  soda 
water,  and  various  other  useless,  not  to  say 
injurious  luxuries,  by  many  small  families, 
form  the  unseen  leak  which  is  sinking  them 
to  ruin.  A  rigid  account  of  daily  expenses, 
faithfully  kept,  will  enable  you  to  see  the 
actual  cost  of  these  u little  expenses”  and 
thereby  lead  you  to  save  for  real  necessi¬ 
ties  and  benevolent  purposes. 

There  should  also  be  some  prudent  calcu¬ 
lations  concerning  the  future.  Some  small 
resources  should  be  provided  for  the  “  rainy 
days  ”  of  life  and  for  old  age,  if  God  should 
spare  you  to  see  them.  I  have  sometimes 
doubted  whether  a  Christian  was  bound  to 
lay  up  property  for  future  contingencies; 
but  my  doubts  have  passed  away.  Those 
scriptures  which  forbid  us  to  lay  up  trea¬ 
sures  on  earth,  refer  to  that  covetous  spirit 
which  converts  perishable  gold  into  a  deity, 
and  makes  property  peculiarly  the  treasure 
of  the  soul.  Such  a  spirit  I  deprecate.  I 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


95 


warn  you  against  it  as  you  value  your  sal¬ 
vation.  It  is  not  to  the  accumulation  of 
riches  I  urge  you,  but  merely  to  provide 
for  casualties  and  conditions  to  which  you 
are  liable. 

God  has  given  us  a  variety  in  the  seasons 
of  the  year.  By  this  arrangement  the  earth 
is  fruitful  only  at  a  given  period.  By  that 
fact  He  teaches  us  the  duty  of  laying  by  a 
store  of  food  in  summer  to  meet  the  de¬ 
mands  of  our  nature  during  the  winter. 
Should  we,  through  wilful  prodigality,  re¬ 
fuse  to  co-operate  with  this  manifest  law  of 
nature,  and  waste  the  summer  fruits  in  ex¬ 
travagant  splf-indulgence,  we  could  hope 
for  nothing  but  suffering  in  winter.  Is  it 
not  equally  so  with  the  periods  and  laws  of 
life?  Life  has  its  seasons.  Its  infancy  is 
the  season  of  dependence ;  its  youth,  of 
preparation ;  its  manhood,  of  action  and 
production ;  its  age,  of  rest  and  depend¬ 
ence.  God  has  provided  natural  protectors 
for  the  first  season  of  dependency ;  the 
parent  is  the  provider  for  the  infant:  but 


96 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


for  tlie  last  he  has  made  none,  unless  it  be 
said  the  child  should  then  provide  for  the 
parent.  True,  lie  should,  rather  than  see 
his  parent  suffer ;  but  he  has  his  own  bur* 
dens  to  bear ;  his  own  provision  to  collect  • 
his  own  children  to  maintain.  Every  pa¬ 
rent,  therefore,  should,  if  it  be  possible, 
make  provision  to  meet  the  wants  of  the 
final  period  of  life,  without  being  dependent 
on  his  children. 

If  these  views  are  correct,  the  new  mar¬ 
ried  pair  should  begin  their  household 
arrangements  so  as  to  meet  this  necessity, 
and  resolve  to  lay  aside  a  small  weekly  or 
annual  sum  for  the  casualties  and  necessi¬ 
ties  of  life. 

A  prolific  cause  of  pecuniary  embarrass¬ 
ment  and  domestic  disagreement  in  many 
families  is,  the  giving  of  frequent  parties. 
They  involve  large  expenses,  both  directly 
and  incidentally.  They  excite  discontent, 
pride,  envy,  and  other  evil  passions.  I  do 
not  say  these  consequences  are  the  neces¬ 
sary  fruits  of  social  parties ;  I  merely  de- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


97 


scribe  them  as  they  exist  in  society  gene- 
rail  v. 

A  lady,  for  example,  decides,  in  concert 
with  her  husband,  to  have  a  party.  Who 
shall  be  invited  is  the  first  question.  The 
husband  objects  to  one,  the  wife  to  another. 
One  family  is  omitted  from  prejudice,  an 
other  from  pride,  a  third  because  they  did 
not  invite  them  to  their  last  social  gather¬ 
ing.  Thus,  if  the  husband  and  wife  make 
out  the  list  without  a  positive  disagree¬ 
ment,  they  bring  a  variety  of  improper 
emotions  into  action,  and  are  made  morallv 

7  y 

worse. 

The  next  thing  will  be  to  prepare  the 
house  for  the  reception  of  the  invited 
guests.  In  doing  this,  the  lady  is  reminded 
of  some  defect  in  the  style,  or  deficiency  in 
the  quantity  of  her  furniture.  She  will 
then  greet  her  husband,  on  his  return  from 
his  place  of  business,  with  a  request  of  this 
sort,  “  My  dear,  don’t  you  think  we  need  a 
sofa  for  our  front  parlour  ?” 

“  No.  Ellen,  I  do  not.  Our  parlour 

7 


98 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


looks  very  well  now;  and  I  cannot  afford 
to  purchase  a  sofa  at  present.” 

“  But  you  know  that  the  Ellingtons  have 
a  beautiful  sofa  in  their  parlour ;  and  when 
they  come  to  our  house,  our  furniture  will 
look  mean  in  their  eyes.  A  sofa  would  add 
very  much  to  the  appearance  of  the  front 
parlour.” 

“  It  would  look  yery  well,  Ellen  ;  but  we 
do  not  need  it.  We  have  a  very  good  sofa 
in  the  back  parlour;  and,  so  long  as  we 
are  satisfied,  we  must  not  care  about  the 
opinions  of  the  Ellingtons  or  any  one 
else.” 

“I  do  not  care  a  great  deal  about  the 
opinions  of  others,  Henry ;  but  I  do  like  to 
appear  as  well  as  my  neighbours:  and  I 
don’t  think  I  shall  enjoy  the  party  unless 
you  get  me  a  new  sofa.” 

The  dialogue  proceeds,  and  the  result  is, 
that  Ellen  succeeds  in  overcoming  the 
scruples  of  her  husband.  The  front  par¬ 
lour  is  graced  by  the  presence  of  a  new  and 
fashionable  sofa. 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


99 


But  Ellen  is  not  yet  satisfied.  Another 
of  her  friends,  she  recollects,  had  a  beauti¬ 
ful  set  of  girandoles  on  the  mantel.  They 
were  greatly  admired  by  the  company  pre¬ 
sent:  for  the  first  time  she  perceives  that 
her  own  mantel  looks  very  bare ;  she  cer¬ 
tainly  must  have  the  girandoles.  As  be¬ 
fore,  the  reluctant  husband  consents,  and 
the  desired  ornaments  are  brought  home. 

Thus  prepared,  the  party  is  given.  Ellen 
and  her  husband  labour  hard  to  entertain 
the  company.  Several  hours  are  passed  in 
the  confusion  of  mixed  conversation,  in 
which  the  characters,  dress,  and  circum¬ 
stances  of  their  acquaintances  are  pretty 
thoroughly  discussed ;  but  it  would  be  diffi¬ 
cult  to  find  a  single  person  who  is  in  the 
least  benefited.  The  evening  has  been  ' 
passed  in  idle  and  frivolous  conversation, 
altogether  beneath  the  dignity  of  the  Chris¬ 
tian  character,  and  the  visitors  have  there¬ 
fore  suffered  harm. 

Ellen  is  much  chagrined  ;  for  amidst  the 
confusion  of  tongues,  she  thought  she 


100 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


heard  some  one  censure  her  for  extrava¬ 
gance,  and  for  looking  up  in  the  world ,  on 
account  of  the  sofa  and  girandoles.  Henry 
is  in  no  better  mood,  for  the  expenses  have 
much  exceeded  their  estimate,  and  he  is 
fearful  of  embarrassment  in  his  business. 

Such  is  the  history  of  vast  numbers  of 
parties;  and  if  the  newly  married  intend 
to  be  economical,  and  to  live  a  happy  life, 
let  them  resolve  not  to  fall  into  this  habit 
There  is  no  religious  profit  to  be  derived 
from  social  parties;  but,  on  the  contrary, 
much  evil  to  be  suffered.  Seek  your  plea¬ 
sure  at  home.  Depend  on  your  own  re¬ 
sources  for  enjoyment.  Books,  rational 
conversation,  and  the  occasional  presence 
of  a  few  select  friends,  to  pass  an  evening 
by  your  fireside,  will  furnish  unfailing 
sources  of  innocent  pleasure,  without  re¬ 
sorting  to  the  fashionable,  but  evil  custom 
of  giving  large  parties.  And  as  to  the 
senseless  charge  of  being  unfashionable, 
you  must  treat  it  with  profound  and  silent 
contempt 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


101 


A  corresponding  independence  of  action 
in  regard  to  dress,  servants,  &c.,  must  be 
maintained  if  you  determine  to  prosper. 
Study  to  be  bappy  within  your  own  circle ; 
make  that  a  “  dear  domestic  round,”  and 
the  “  enchanting  circle,”  and  it  will  be  of 
small  consequence  to  you  who  sneers 
without. 

Among  the  quaint  sayings  of  the  im¬ 
mortal  F ranklin  are  these :  “At  a  great 
pennyworth  pause  awhile and,  “  Many 
have  been  ruined  by  buying  good  penny¬ 
worths  ;”  and  again,  “  Buy  what  thou  hast 
no  need  of,  and  ere  long  thou  shalt  sell  thy 
necessaries.”  These  proverbs  are  directed 
against  a  most  ruinous  practice  among 
many  housekeepers  of  buying  a  thing  be¬ 
cause  it  is  cheap.  There  is  ruin  in  this 
habit ;  for  nothing  is  cheap  that  you  do 
not  really  want.  Avoid  it,  therefore,  and 
adopt  as  a  rule  in  your  domestic  economy, 
44  We  will  never  purchase  what  we  do  not 
really  want.” 

If  the  young  bride  and  bridegroom  will 


102 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


seriously  study  these  practical  hints,  and 
resolutely  reduce  them  to  practice,  they 
can  hardly  fail  to  prosper  in  the  affairs  of 
this  life.  Remember  th»e  saying  of  Frank¬ 
lin,  the  Solomon  of  his  age,  that,  “  They 
that  will  not  be  counselled  cannot  be  help¬ 
ed;”  and  again,  “If  you  will  not  hear 
reason,  she  will  surely  rap  your  knuckles.” 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


103 


GJHLftFinSlR  WKRo 

®n  making  ^ajujuj). 

The  first  year  of  married  life  usually  de¬ 
cides  its  character  for  weal  or  woe.  During 
that  time  the  parties  either  assimilate  and 
accommodate  their  different  characteristics 
to  each  other,  or  else  they  beget  a  progeny 
of  animosities,  prejudices,  and  differences, 
which  embitter  the  rest  of  their  lives.  The 
newly  married  should,  therefore,  diligently 
cultivate  the  delicate  plant  of  conjugal  love, 
that  it  may  grow  into  a  thrifty  tree,  be¬ 
neath  whose  pleasant  shadow  they  may 
peacefully  rest  in  after  years;  and  with 
whose  delicious  fruit  they  may  refresh  their 
spirits  in  the  great  battle  of  life.  Neglect 
or  indifference  now  may  shed  a  fatal  influ¬ 
ence  on  the  future ;  for, 

“  Soon  fades  the  rose  ;  once  past  the  fragrant 
•  hour, 

The  loiterer  finds  a  bramble  lor  a  flower.” 


104 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


I  will  suppose  that  you  are  now  comfort¬ 
ably  settled  in  your  bridal  home.  Your 
house  is  suitably,  perhaps  elegantly  fur¬ 
nished.  Everything  wears  an  aspect  of 
beauty  and  neatness,  and  you  both  feel  a 
high  sense  of  satisfaction  in  being  the  pos¬ 
sessors  of  such  a  home.  This  is  well ;  it  i3 
cause  for  much  gratitude  to  your  heavenly 
Father ;  but  remember  what  has  been 
hinted  before,  outiuard  comforts  alone  will 
not  make  home  happy .  There  are  many 
stately  halls,  many  magnificent  mansions, 
whose  arches  and  walls  echo  to  the  sighs 
of  their  unhappy  owners :  many  homes, 
abounding  even  with  riches,  where  the 
wretched  couple  sleep  in  different  apart¬ 
ments,  and  loathe  the  chain  which  binds 
them  to  dwell  together  beneath  the  same 
roof.  And  there  is  many  a  cottage,  bare 
of  elegance,  scarcely  comfortable,  in  which 
domestic  bliss  sits  joyously  enthroned.  A 
home  is  made  happy,  therefore,  by  the  spirit 
of  those  who  compose  it,  and  not  by  the 
amount  of  outward  comforts  it  possesses. 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


105 


I  have  somewhere  read  of  a  bridegroom 
who  gloried  in  his  eccentricities.  He  re¬ 
quested  his  bride  to  accompany  him  into 
the  garden,  a  day  or  two  after  their  wed¬ 
ding.  He  then  threw  a  line  over  the  roof 
of  their  cottage ;  giving  his  wife  one  end  of 
the  line,  he  retreated  to  the  other  side,  and 
exclaimed,  “  Pull  the  line  !” 

She  pulled  it,  at  his  request,  as  far  as  she 
could.  He  cried,  “  Puli  it  over !” 

“  I  can’t,”  she  replied. 

“  But  pull  with  all  your  might,”  shouted 
the  whimsical  young  husband. 

But  vain  were  all  the  efforts  of  the  bride 
to  pull  over  the  line,  so  long  as  her  hus¬ 
band  held  on  to  the  opposite  end.  But 
when  he  came  round,  and  they  both  pulled 
at  one  end,  it  came  over  with  great 
ease. 

“  There !”  said  he,  as  the  line  fell  from 
the  roof;  “you  see  how  hard  and  ineffec¬ 
tual  was  our  labour  when  we  pulled  in 
opposition  to  each  other ;  but  how  easy  and 
pleasant  it  was  when  we  pulled  together. 


106 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


It  will  be  thus  with  us,  my  dear,  through 
life.  If  we  oppose  each  other,  it  will  be 
hard  work ;  if  we  act  together,  it  will  be 
pleasant  to  live.  Let  us  always  pull  to¬ 
gether.” 

This  homely  illustration  contains  the  true 
philosophy  of  a  happy  home.  Neither  of 
you  alone  can  make  your  new  home  cpm- 
pletely  happy.  I  am  not  a  convert  to  the 
doctrine  of  an  inscription  said  to  have  been 

engraved  on  an  ancient  wedding-ring. 

©  ©  © 

“  One  quiet,  both  happy,”  was  the  motto. 
Doubtless,  the  quietude  and  propriety  of 
one  will  do  much  toward  the  creation  of  a 
blissful  home ;  but  sorrow  will  be  there, 
unless  both  husband  and  wife  contribute 
liberally  to  the  object.  To  this  end,  the 
labour  must  be  mutual.  Both  must  per¬ 
sist  in  diffusing  a  sweet  spirit  through  its 
atmosphere,  and  the  work  will  be  accom¬ 
plished. 

You  must,  above  all  other  things,  divest 
yourselves  of  selfishness,  which  is  the 
sure  extinguisher  of  love ;  since  “  confi- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


107 


dence  cannot  dwell  where  selfishness  is 
porter  at  the  gate.”  It  must  be  the  labour 
of  each  to  promote  and  to  prefer  the  happi¬ 
ness  of  the  other.  “  The  marriage  con¬ 
tract,”  says  a  great  moral  philosopher, 
(Wayland,)  “binds  each  party,  whenever 
individual  gratification  is  concerned,  to  pre¬ 
fer  the  happiness  of  the  other  party  to  its 
own.  If  pleasure  can  be  enjoyed  by  both, 
the  happiness  of  both  is  increased  by  en¬ 
joying  it  in  common.  If  it  can  be  enjoyed 
but  by  one,  each  should  prefer  that  it  be 
enjoyed  by  the  other.  And  if  there  be 
sorrow  to  be  endured,  or  inconvenience  to 
be  suffered,  each  should  desire,  if  possible, 
to  bear  the  infliction  for  the  sake  of  shield¬ 
ing  the  other  from  pain.” 

This  is  one  of  the  grand  secrets  of  do¬ 
mestic  bliss.  Nothing  is  more  destructive 
to  real  affection  than  to  be  always  receiv¬ 
ing  and  never  returning  kindnesses,  for, 
“such  is  the  nature  of  the  human  affec¬ 
tions,  that  we  derive  a  higher  and  a  purer 
pleasure  from  rendering  happy  those  whom 


108 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


we  love  than  from  self-gratification.  Thus, 
a  parent  prefers  self-denial,  for  the  sake  of 
a  child,  to  self-indulgence.  The  same  prin¬ 
ciple  is  illustrated  in  every  case  of  pure 
and  disinterested  benevolence.  This  is 
the  essential  element  on  which  depends 
the  happiness  of  the  married  state.  To  be 
in  the  highest  degree  happy,  we  must  each 
prefer  the  happiness  of  another  to  our  own.” 
—  Wayland’s  Moral  Science . 

But  what  shall  one  do  if  the  other  be¬ 
trays  a  spirit  of  selfishness,  and  does  not 
contribute  to  the  bliss  of  home  ?  In  this 
case  the  injured  party  will  require  great 
patience  and  strong  resolution  to  maintain 
a  self-denying  position — to  do  the  duties  of 
a  true  affection  without  the  encouragements 
of  a  reciprocated  love.  But  difficult  as  this 
task  may  be,  it  will  be  really  easier  in 
practice  than  to  return  neglect  by  reproof, 
or  indifference  by  complaint.  Patient  per¬ 
severance  in  the  duties  of  an  unselfish 
affection,  will  have  its  effect  on  a  selfish 
companion ;  perhaps  it  may  in  the  end  illus- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


109 


trate  the  motto  of  the  old  wedding-ring, 
u  One  quiet,  both  happy'* 

Let  me  suppose  a  case,  by  way  of  illus¬ 
trating  the  operation  of  selfishness  in  one 
of  its  forms. 

Conrad  is  a  lawyer  by  profession,  a 
resident  in  a  populous  city,  and  quite  suc¬ 
cessful  in  his  toilsome  profession.  He  is 
married  to  a  lady,  who  makes  what  the 
world  calls  a  good  wife ;  and  several  years 
have  passed  without  any  very  serious  diffi¬ 
culty  between  them.  True,  they  could  not 
claim  the  far-famed  “  flitch  of  bacon.”  Yet 

no  fierce  storms  have  disturbed  the  serenltv 

* 

of  their  matrimonial  sky.  Four  healthy 
children  stand  like  thrifty  “  olive  plants 99 
round  their  table,  and  they  are  happy, 
probably,  beyond  the  ordinary  lot  of 
families. 

With  all  this,  however,  the  thistle  mars 
the  beauty  of  their  family  garden.  Con¬ 
rad’s  wife,  Matilda,  with  all  her  amia¬ 
bility,  is  strongly  selfish.  She  cannot 
endure  the  privations  of  maternal  life 


110 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


without  frequent  bursts  of  complaint;  and 
there  is  nothing  so  annoying  to  her  feelings 
as  to  have  Conrad  seek  a  recreation  in 
which  she  cannot  share.  He  has,  of  course, 
learned  this  long  since,  and  has,  in  conse* 
quence,  often  denied  himself  those  relaxa¬ 
tions  which  were  necessary  to  his  health, 
rather  than  awaken  the  displeasure  of 
Matilda. 

But  the  toils  of  his  profession  are  wear¬ 
ing  away  his  energies.  He  feels  the  abso¬ 
lute  necessity  of  repose,  and  determines  to 
spend  a  week  or  two  of  the  summer  in 
visiting  the  Falls  of  Niagara.  Going  home 
one  afternoon,  after  he  has  matured  his 
plans,  he  addresses  his  wife  something  after 
the  following  manner : — 

“  Matilda,  my  health  is  failing  under  the 
continued  toil  of  business.  I  must  seek 
some  relief,  or  I  shall  be  sick.” 

u  I  think  you  are  labouring  too  severely 
for  your  health.  Why  don’t  you  rest  a 
little,  Conrad?” 

“  That  is  what  I  have  been  thinking 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


Ill 


about;  and  I  have  concluded  to  spend  a 

week  or  two  in  visiting  Niagara.” 

©  © 

“Well,  I  will  go  too.  It  will  do  us  all 
good  to  get  away  from  the  city  this  hot 
weather.” 

“But,  surely,  you  do  not  think  of  taking 
the  children  on  so  long  a  tour.  Consider 
the  fatigue  they  will  occasion.  If  you  will 
leave  them  at  home,  I  will  most  gladly  take 
you  for  the  trip.” 

“  No,  indeed  ;  I  will  not  leave  my  chil¬ 
dren  at  home.  I  should  not  take  any  com¬ 
fort.  Something  might  happen  to  them 
during  our  absence,  and  that  would  make 
me  feel  very  wretched.” 

“  But,  Matilda,  your  sister  will  take  your 
place,  and  do  all  that  you  would  for  them. 
And,  surely,  if  our  health  demands  a  brief 
departure  from  the  cares  of  home,  we  may 
trust  our  little  ones  to  the  care  of  God.” 

“  If  the  children  cannot  go,  Conrad,  I  will 
not ;  and  I  am  sure  I  do  not  wish  to  be  left 
at  home  while  you  are  seeking  your  pleasure 
abroad.” 


112 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS, 


“  That  is  an  unkind  remark,  Matilda. 
I  would  gladly  have  your  company  if  you 
would  go  under  proper  circumstances.  If 
you  will  not,  then  certainly  you  ought  to 
consent  to  my  doing  what  may  be  neces¬ 
sary  for  my  health.” 

u  You  can  rest  at  home  as  well  as  at 
Niagara,  if  you  choose ;  only  you  want  to 
get  away,  and  are  willing  to  leave  me,  sick 
or  well,  to  be  confined  like  a  prisoner  to 
the  house.” 

Matilda  was,  by  this  time,  quite  sour  in 
her  spirit.  Conrad  saw  that  if  he  took  his 
intended  journey,  it  would  occasion  bitter¬ 
ness  between  him  and  his  wife.  He  there¬ 
fore  yielded  to  his  Matilda,  who,  triumphing 
in  her  conquest,  little  thought  that,  though 
she  had  won  him  to  her  selfish  wishes,  she 
had  lost  what  was  worth  more  to  her  than 
a  year’s  absence — his  respect. 

The  conduct  of  Madame  Catharine 
Adorn  a,  an  Italian  lady  of  distinguished 
piety,  furnishes  a  beautiful  illustration  of 
the  power  of  an  unselfish  affection  to  sub- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


113 


due  a  selfish  nature.  “  She  was  united  in 
marriage  to  a  person  of  high  rank,  whose 
temper  and  habits  were  so  entirely  unsuited 
to  her  own  as  to  render  her  situation  ex¬ 
ceedingly  trying,  and  to  deprive  her  of  all 
happiness  in  that  relation.”* 

Madame  Adorn  a  received  this  trial  in  a 
truly  heroic  spirit.  She  bore  the  outbreaks 
of  her  husband’s  temper  with  Christian 
submission  ;  she  devoted  herself  to  the  task 
of  making  his  home  attractive  and  delight¬ 
ful.  And  she  had  her  reward :  for  “  her 
husband’s  heart  relented.  He  saw  and  felt 
the  difference,  the  vast  difference,  between 
himself  and  a  true  Christian.  God  gave 
her  the  satisfaction,  in  answer  to  her  fer¬ 
vent  prayers,  attended  with  appropriate 
personal  efforts,  to  see  her  husband  an  hum¬ 
bled,  penitent,  and  altered  man . And 

he  continued  in  these  humble  and  happj 
dispositions  till  the  period  of  his  departure 
from  the  world,  which  took  place  soon  after/ 

*  Life  of  Madame  Catharine  Adoma,  by  Prolesso* 
Upham 


8 


114 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


It  is  indispensable  to  a  blissful  home  that 
the  husband  provide  for  the  supply  of  his 
family  with  a  liberality  proportioned  to  his 
means,  and  to  a  judicious  economy.  He 
that  provideth  not  for  his  own  household, 
according  to  an  inspired  judge,  is  worse 
than  an  infidel .  A  mean,  niggardly  hus¬ 
band  is  sure  to  win  the  scorn  of  his  wife, 
unless  she  is  a  very  superior,  pious  woman. 
The  mutual  confidence  in  financial  matters 
I  have  already  counselled,  will  go  far  to 
prevent  this  frequent  evil.  Yet,  even  with 
explanations,  and  good  understanding  of 
circumstances,  it  often  happens  that  a 
stingy  husband  gives  great  uneasiness  to 
his  wife.  I  have  known  some  such  to 
allow  a  weekly  sum  for  the  expenses  of 
the  table,  and  then  constantly  fr^t  and 
complain  because  the  style  of  living  was 
simple,  and  in  keeping  with  the  allowance. 
Such  conduct  is  contemptible,  and  cannot 
fail  to  destroy  domestic  peace. 

But  how  shall  I  designate  those  indolent 
men  who  neglect  to  make  suitable  provision 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


115 


for  their  families,  and  thus  compel  their 
high-spirited  and  energetic  wives  to  laboui 
like  slaves  in  order  to  maintain  a  respect¬ 
able  appearance.  There  is  a  meanness  in 
such  conduct  that  is  beneath  contempt ; 
and  the  man  who  is  guilty  of  it  deserves 
to  be  banished  from  civilized  society. 

I  have  several  such  husbands  in  my  re¬ 
collections  of  past  life.  I  will  outline  the 
features  of  one  of  them,  on  the  same  prin¬ 
ciple  that  led  our  ancestors  to  leave  .the 
malefactor  dangling  in  his  chains  on  the 
highway.  They  hoped  thereby  to  make 
crime  a  terror  to  the  living. 

Young  Alexander  was  a  mechanic,  of 
respectable  parentage,  and  fair  talents.  His 
habits  were  free  from  all  vices  but  that  of 
indolence.  He  was  late  at  his  shop  in 
the  morning;  ever  complaining  of  being 
weary,  and,  like  Goldsmith’s  “  Prince  Bon- 
bennin,”  was  always  ready  to  be  amused 
with  trifles.  Notwithstanding  all  this,  Alex¬ 
ander  won  the  affections  of  the  amiable 
Maria,  and  married  her.  True,  manv, 


116 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


who  knew  Alexander  best,  trembled  for 
the  happiness  of  Maria;  but,  as  his  cha¬ 
racter  stood  fair,  and  his  friends  were 
highly  respected,  they  said  nothing. 

For  the  first  year  or  two  the  young 
couple  did  very  well.  Their  expenses 
were  small,  for  Maria  had  a  plentiful  ward¬ 
robe  of  her  own,  and  Alexander’s  relatives 
gave  them  an  occasional  present.  But  at 
length  his  parents  died.  Two  children  in¬ 
creased  the  cost  of  living  very  materially ; 
and  it  became  obvious  that  Alexander’s 
resources,  without  some  increase  of  effort, 
were  insufficient  to  support  his  family. 
Then  came  embarrassments  and  trials. 
They  could  not  pay  their  rent ;  Maria 
needed  a  dress  to  appear  in  abroad,  and 
could  not  obtain  it.  Alexander  himself 
was  growing  shabby  in  his  appearance. 
Everything  bore  the  marks  of  decaying 
circumstances. 

Here,  then,  was  a  summons  to  act  with 
the  energy  of  a  man.  Alexander,  by  being 
prompt  in  the  morning,  and  by  working 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


117 


every  day  with  ordinary  diligence,  could 
easily  place  himself  above  embarrassment. 
Maria  gently  pleaded  with  him,  but  in  vain. 
He  would  still  persist  in  sleeping  away  his 
morning  hours :  a  slight  indisposition  made 
him  drop  his  tools,  and  lounge  away  the 
day  in  an  adjoining  store.  A  political 
meeting,  a  parade  of  soldiers  or  firemen, 
always  witnessed  him  among  the  spectators ; 
and  not  unfrequently  he  spent  a  day  with 
hook  and  line,  on  an  adjacent  pond. 

His  affairs,  of  course,  grew  worse  and 
worse.  His  wife  saw  the  impending  ruin  ; 
and,  failing  to  bestir  the  energies  of  the 
indolent  Alexander,  she  set  out  to  do,  by 
her  own  skill  and  industry,  what  he  ought 
to  have  done.  Being  well  skilled  in  the 
use  of  the  needle,  she  took  in  sewing,  and, 
with  the  patient  toil  for  which  woman  is 
distinguished,  laboured  by  day,  and  far  into 
every  night,  for  her  support.  She  soon 
succeeded  in  paying  their  debts,  in  clothing 
herself  and  children,  and  in  contributing  to 
the  current  expenses  of  the  family.  Since 


118 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


then,  by  the  continuance  of  her  labours, 
they  have  enjoyed  the  comforts  of  life  but 
Maria  is  toiling  at  the  expense  of  life.  She 
grows  old  rapidly.  Her  hair  is  turning 
prematurely  gray.  She  looks  oppressed, 
care-worn,  sad ;  though  she  never  com¬ 
plains.  Her  unmanly  husband  is  the  wit¬ 
ness  of  this  decay;  but  remains  the  same 
indolent,  easy,  and,  may  I  not  truly  say, 
unfaithful  husband.  When  Maria  dies,  he 
will  be  guilty  of  her  blood ;  since  his  neglect 
to  provide  for  her  wants  will  unquestionably 
shorten  her  life. 

I  cannot  help  despising  the  meanness  of 
Alexander.  The  reader  cannot.  He  is 
despicable  beyond  the  power  of  words  to 
describe.  Then,  young  husband,  be  fixed 
never  to  resemble  Alexander;  but,  to  the 
best  of  your  ability,  provide  liberally  for 
her  whom  you  have  taken  to  your  bosom, 
and  for  the  children  God  may  be  pleased 
to  give  you. 

Let  me  also  guard  you  against  an  evil 
spirit,  that  as  surely  destroys  the  peace  of 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


119 


married  life  as  the  moth  does  a  woollen 
garment ;  I  mean  the  disposition  to  fret  at, 
and  to  find  fault  with  each  other. 

Some  husbands,  after  being  vexed  and 
tried  in  their  business,  go  home  with  a  sour 
temper,  and  breathe  out  their  anger  in 
surly  complaints.  The  dinner  is  poor,  or 
not  cooked  to  their  tastes;  or  it  cost  too 
much.  Something  is  wrong,  because  they 
are  determined  to  have  it  so :  and  thus  the 
atmosphere  of  home  is  dreary  and  wretched. 
The  wife  is  disheartened,  and  her  soul 
is  sad. 

In  other  families,  the  offender  is  the  wife. 
The  moment  her  husband  enters  the  room 
his  ears  are  annoyed  by  a  volley  of  com¬ 
plaints.  The  foibles  of  the  domestic,  the 
faults  of  the  children,  the  toil  of  house¬ 
keeping,  the  little  daily  mishaps  of  life,  to¬ 
gether  with  a  thousand  and  one  imaginary 
trials,  are  all  rained  down  upon  his  hapless 
head,  stinging  him  like  a  shower  of  needles, 
irritating  his  temper,  and  gradually,  but 
surely,  creating  a  disgust  of  home,  and  an 


120 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


alienation  of  heart  from  his  wife.  A  woman 
may  imagine  that  she  is  justified  in  the  in¬ 
dulgence  of  such  a  temper ;  she  may  hope 
for  exact  compliance  from  her  husband. 
But  such  imaginations  are  idle,  such  hopes 
folly.  It  would  be  as  reasonable  to  place  a 
perishing  infant  beneath  the  pelting  winter 
storm  for  resuscitation.  No !  The  only 
effect  of  fretting  and  scolding  in  a  wife  is 
to  render  herself  disgusting  to  her  husband, 
and  to  blight  the  delicate  flower  of  conjugal 
affection. 

Dante  has  given  his  scolding  wife, 
Gemma,  an  unenviable  immortality  in  his 
“  Inferno.”  It  is  generally  admitted  that 
he  alludes  to  her  in  the  following  lines, 
which  he  puts  into  the  mouth  of  a  lost 
soul : — 

** - Me,  my  wife, 

Of  savage  temper,  more  than  aught  beside, 

Hath  to  this  evil  brought.” 

This  is  a  terrible  stroke  on  the  temper 
of  Gemma ;  yet  not  too  severe :  for,  alas ! 
many  men  have  been  brought  to  ruin  in 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


121 


two  worlds  by  the  bitterness  of  fault-find¬ 
ing,  scdlding,  fretful  wives. 

Rousseau  has  elegantly  said : — “  The  em¬ 
pire  of  woman  is  an  empire  of  softness,  of 
address,  of  complacency.  Her  commands 
are  caresses,  her  menaces  are  tears;”  and 
a  living  writer  (Rev.  Dr.  Barnes)  says, — A 
sweet  temper,  daily  maintained,  is  more 
precious  than  great  exploits ;  it  is  like  the 
budding  spring  which  flows  gently ;  it  is 
like  the  little  rivulet  gliding  through  the 
meadow,  and  running  along  day  and  night 
before  the  farm-house,  which  is  far  more 
useful  than  the  foaming  cataract.  One 
Niagara  is  sufficient  for  the  world,  while 
it  needs  tens  of  thousands  of  rivulets  to 
water  its  farms  and  gardens,  and  to  flow 
on  continually  and  everywhere.  An  in¬ 
spired  writer,  with  still  greater  beauty,  has 
also  said  of  a  truly  virtuous  and  dutiful 
wife,  that  “  She  openeth  her  mouth  with 
wisdom,  and  in  her  tongue  is  the  law  of 
kindness;”  while  of  the  scolding  wife  he 
has  written,  u  The  contentions  of  a  wife 


122 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


are  a  continual  dropping upon  which  the 
learned  Bishop  Patrick  has  this  com¬ 
ment: — She  “drives  a  man  to  undo  his 
family  himself,  when  he  is  no  more  able  to 
live  at  home  with  her,  than  to  dwell  in  a 
rotten  and  ruinous  house,  through  the  roof 
of  which  the  rain  drops  perpetually.” 

Resolve,  then,  young  wife,  to  endure  any 
amount  of  suffering,  of  toil,  and  even  of 
injury,  rather  than  to  become  a  fretful,  ill- 
tempered  woman.  Be  sweet-tempered. 
Do  not  listen  to  those  unthinking  women 
who  tell  you  you  will  be  trampled  upon 
unless  you  assert  your  rights,  and  speak 
for  yourself.  You  cannot  gain  true  as¬ 
cendency  over  a  man  by  ill  temper,  but 
by  gentleness  you  may.  Men  find  so  little 
sincere  friendship  abroad,  so  little  true 
sympathy  in  the  selfish  world,  that  they 
gladly  yield  themselves  to  the  influence  of 
a  gentle  spirit  at  home.  Mrs.  Hemans 
has  beautifully  written  the  sentiment  of 
many  a  weary-hearted  husband  in  the  fol¬ 
lowing  spirited  lines : — 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


123 


“  Thou  hast  a  charmed  cup,  O  fame . 

A  draught  that  mantles  high  : 

And  seems  to  lift  this  earthly  frame 
Above  mortality 

Away !  to  me — a  woman — bring 
Sweet  water  from  affection’s  spring. 

“  Thou  hast  a  voice  whose  thrilling  tone 
Can  bid  each  life-pulse  beat, 

As  when  a  trumpet’s  note  hath  blown, 

Calling  the  brave  to  meet : 

But  mine,  let  mine — a  woman’s  breast, 

By  words  of  home-born  love  be  bless’d.” 

Seek,  then,  young  bride,  to  secure  the 
calm  bliss,  which,  like  some  sweet  aromatic 
plant,  now  diffuses  its  sweet  odours  through 
the  chambers  of  your  home,  by  gentleness 
of  spirit.  She  is  the  truly  happy  wife, — 

“  She  that  makes  the  humblest  hearth 
Lovely  but  to  one  on  earth.” 

Nor  is  the  young  husband  to  neglect  the 
same  spirit.  It  must  be  his  ambition  so  to 
live,  if  it  be  possible,  with  the  chosen  of  his 
affection,  that,  if  called  to  close  her  eyes  in 
death,  her  dying  lips  may  adopt  the  address 


124 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS 


of  the  expiring  Yaudois  wife  to  her  hus¬ 
band  : — 

u  I  bless  thee  for  kind  looks  and  words 
Shower’d  on  my  path  like  dew  ; 

For  all  the  love  in  those  deep  eyes, 

A  gladness  ever  new  ; 

For  the  voice  which  ne’er  to  mine  replied 
But  in  kindly  tones  of  cheer ; 

For  every  spring  of  happiness 
My  soul  hath  tasted  here.”— Mas.  IDs  mans 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


125 


(SEL&IPIFISIR  WMKo 

©n  ®onfotmfog  to  ®iraim£tanct& 

1  once  called  on  a  lady,  whom  I  found  in 
tolerable  health,  and  in  very  comfortable 
pecuniary  circumstances.  But  a  cloud  was 
on  her  brow,  and  a  burden  on  her  heart. 
She  complained  of  depression  of  spirits; 
of  loss  of  spiritual  comfort,  of  great  dis¬ 
couragement. 

I  dislike  all  approaches  to  impertinent 
meddling  with  the  grief  of  others,  even  in 
a  pastor.  But  here  was  a  case  in  which 
counsel  would  avail  nothing  without  some 
knowledge  of  the  cause  of  her  sadness.  I 
therefore  told  her  to  adopt  the  question  of 
David,  and  inquire,  “  Why  art  thou  cast 
down,  O  my  soul?  Why  art  thou  dis¬ 
quieted  within  me  ?”  Upon  this  she  read¬ 
ily  divulged  the  secret  of  her  sorrow,  by 
remarking,  “  I  am  home-sick.  I  do  not  like 
living  in  this  town.  I  shall  never  be  happy 
until  I  get  back  to - 


126 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


“  But  you  have  your  husband  and  chil¬ 
dren  here  with  you;  and  does  not  their 
presence  make  this  your  home  ?”  I  replied. 

“  Yes,”  said  she,  “  they  are  here,  and  my 
husband  is  doing  well  in  his  business ;  but 
I  shall  never  be  contented  until  we  move 
back  to - .” 

u  But  you  surely  would  not  have  your 
husband  abandon  a  profitable  business,  and 
go  back  to  a  place  where  he  was  not  so 
fortunate,  merely  to  gratify  your  feeling  of 
home-sickness  ?”  I  replied. 

u  I  know  it  is  hard  to  ask  him  to  do  it ; 
but  stay  here  I  cannot,  and  be  happy,” 
was  her  reply,  accompanied  with  signs  of 
deep  feeling. 

I  said  what  occurred  to  me  as  the  most 
suitable  advice,  and,  after  commending  her 
to  God  in  prayer,  left  her  with  a  sincere 
pity  for  her  exceeding  weakness  and  child¬ 
ishness  of  mind.  It  was  not  a  great  while 
before  she  succeeded  in  inducing  her  hus¬ 
band  to  break  up  his  business,  and  to  leave 
the  town. 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


127 


This  was  certainly  very  reprehensible 
conduct  on  the  part  of  a  wife.  It  dis¬ 
played  a  weakness  of  intellect  unworthy 
of  a  woman  ;  a  want  of  self-control  un¬ 
worthy  of  a  Christian;  and  a  want  of  sub¬ 
mission  unworthy  of  an  affectionate  wife. 
How  must  her  perpetual  entreaties  to  her 
husband  to  removO,  have  chafed  and 
grieved  his  spirit !  How  he  must  have 
despised  that  wife  in  his  heart  for  her 
weakness  and  want  of  love  to  him !  How 
severe  the  toil,  and  oppressive  the  care,  to 
which  he  was  subjected  through  her  whim ! 
If  he  subsequently  proved  unsuccessful,  and 
want  invaded  their  home,  how  painful  the 
reflections  of  that  wife !  Viewed  on  every 
side,  her  discontent  has  no  excuse;  it  was 
her  duty  as  a  wife  to  cheerfully  submit  to 
the  necessities  of  her  husband’s  business. 
In  her  marriage  covenant,  she  had  vowed 
to  give  herself  to  him ;  to  exchange  her 
early  home  for  his,  and  to  identify  her¬ 
self  with  all  his  interests.  Instead  of 
being  thus  faithful,  she  deliberately 


128  BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 

sacrificed  his  interests  to  her  feel¬ 
ings. 

In  beautiful  contrast  with  this  unwomanly 
conduct,  I  present  the  example  of  the  de¬ 
voted  and  amiable  Mrs.  Hannah  M. 
Pickard.*  She  had  married  a  gentle¬ 
man  whose  sphere  of  professional  labour 
lay  in  New-Brunswick,  far  away  from  her 
native  and  beloved  Boston.  After  a  brief 
residence  in  her  new  home,  she  was  spend¬ 
ing  a  few  weeks  in  the  vicinity  of  her  natal 
city  with  her  relatives.  It  was  quite  natural 
for  a  lady  of  her  intense  and  delicate  affec¬ 
tions  to  desire,  under  such  circumstances, 
to  live  near  her  native  home.  She  had 
such  a  wish,  but,  with  the  true  heroism  of 
woman,  she  suppressed  it  for  her  husband's 
sake.  The  following  extract  from  one  of 
her  letters  to  Mr.  Pickard,  exhibits  the 
feelings  of  a  truly  devoted  and  Christian 
wife.  She  is  speaking  of  Chelsea,  where 

she  was  then  visiting : — 

© 

“  The  Methodist  society  here,”  she  writes, 
*  See  her  Memoir,  by  Rev.  E.  Otheman 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


129 


44  is  at  present,  as  it  has  been  the  greater 
part  of  the  winter,  favoured  with  an  en¬ 
couraging  spirit  of  revival.  They  have  a 
very  neat  new  chapel,  to  which,  by  the 
way,  there  are  many  thoughts  among  a 
circle  of  the  members  of  inviting  you.  I 
find  they  are  half  ready,  in  New-England, 
to  claim  you  on  more  than  one  account. 
They  seem  to  calculate  upon  your  coming 
among  them,  I  find,  though  not  from  any 
encouragement  or  word  received  from  me. 
Whatever  may  be  my  private  feelings,  my 
lips,  I  am  purposed,  shall  not  transgress  in 
this  matter.  Far  be  it  from  me.  I  would 
not ,  if  I  could ,  withdraw  one  glance  of  yours 
from  the  strait  and  narrow  way  of  duty.” 

It  is  easy  to  see  the  superiority  of  such  a 
wife  over  the  one  in  my  previous  etching  ;  • 
and  how  much  more  happy  she  would  make 
her  admiring  husband.  She  would  also 
increase  his  respect  for  her  character,  which, 
by  the  way,  is  a  very  important  object  for  a 
wife  wrho  would  be  happy,  since  love  cannot 

outlive  the  loss  of  esteem. 

9 


130 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


While  some  ladies  are  uneasy  because 
they  cannot  live  where  they  desire,  others 
are  discontented  with  the  condition  or  pro¬ 
fession  of  their  husbands.  They  are  too 
poor  to  live  in  a  style  suited  to  their  tastes, 
or  their  professions  have  some  circumstances 
connected  with  them  not  agreeable  to  their 
feelings.  Hence,  they  set  themselves  in 
opposition  to  their  husbands’  pursuits,  and 
determine  to  be  unhappy  until  they  abandon 
them.  No  peace  or  rest  is  permitted  to  the 
doomed  man  whose  capricious  partner  thus 
determines  to  hunt  him  from  his  profession. 
Complainings,  fretfulness,  censures,  tears, 
become  the  incessant  annoyances  of  his 
home,  until  his  tried  soul  grows  weary  of 
life;  his  evenings  are  spent  in  company, 
and,  if  strong  religious  or  moral  principles 
do  not  bind  him  to  the  proprieties  of  life, 
he  falls  into  vices,  and  thus  brings  swift 
ruin  upon  himself  and  family. 

It  is  more  than  probable  that  a  minis¬ 
ter’s  bride  may  see  these  pages.  To  her 
these  hints  on  being  content  with  the  pro- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


131 


fession  of  her  husband  are  all-important, 
both  on  account  of  the  varied  and  perplex¬ 
ing  trials  of  the  life  she  has  chosen,  and  be¬ 
cause  of  the  high  and  awful  responsibilities 
connected  with  the  work  to  which  her  com¬ 
panion  is  called. 

John  Wesley  had  the  misfortune  to 
marry  a  lady  who  did  not  and  would  not 
sympathize  with  him  in  the  great  duties  of 
his  profession.  His  almost  continual  ab¬ 
sence  from  home,  his  correspondence  with 
pious  females,  his  preference  of  duty  to 
ease,  to  self-indulgence,  and  even  to  her 
wishes,  excited  her  jealousy,  her  anger,  and 
even  her  persecuting  spirit.  The  burden 
of  soul  her  unwomanly  conduct  imposed  on 
that  laborious  man  of  God,  had  no  witness 
who  could  comprehend  its  magnitude  but 
Jel  ovah.  It  was  such  that,  as  is  well 
known,  he  ceased  to  live  with  her.  In¬ 
stead  of  being  a  help  meet  for  him  in 
the  battle  of  Hfe,  she  was  an  insupport¬ 
able  trial,  and,  but  for  the  unsurpassed 
energy  of  his  noble  soul,  would  have 


132 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


been  a  sad  hindrance  to  his  gigantic 

O  o 

labours. 

In  delightful  contrast  let  me  present  the 
minister’s  bride  with  a  view  of  the  lovely 
Catharine  Von  Bora,  the  affectionate 
wife  of  Martin  Luther.  Educated  ir.  a 
nunnery,  she  had  but  little  opportunity  to 
prepare  herself  for  the  duties  of  domestic 
life.  Unused  to  the  strifes  and  storms  of 
public  life,  which  broke  so  fiercely  over  the 
reformer’s  head,  it  would  not  have  been 
surprising  if  she  had  sunk  in  terror  beneath 
their  fury.  But  Catharine  was  the  pos¬ 
sessor  of  the  highest  and  noblest  qualities 
of  her  sex ;  and,  like  a  true  wife,  she  de¬ 
voted  herself  to  the  happiness  of  her  chosen 
lord.  She  gave  a  realization  to  the  poet’s 
doctrine,  “  to  bless  is  to  be  blest;”  for  in 
contributing  to  the  happiness  of  her  great 
husband,  she  found  this  grand  secret  of 
domestic  bliss,  and  awakened  an  overflow¬ 
ing  spring  of  joy  in  her  own  bosom.  Lu¬ 
ther  loved  her  with  the  ardent  affection  of 
his  noble  nature.  “  I  love  my  Catharine,” 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


133 


he  said ;  u  I  love  her  more  than  myself :  for 
I  would  sooner  die  than  see  any  harm  hap¬ 
pen  to  her  or  to  her  children.” 

Which  is  the  pleasing  portrait?  Does 
the  young  bride  admire  the  jealous,  selfish 
wife  of  Wesley,  placing  herself,  with  her 
whims  and  fancies,  in  the  path  of  his  use¬ 
fulness,  like  a  sharp  thorn,  until  she  com¬ 
pelled  that  patient  man  to  forsake  her  ? 
Or  does  she  prefer  the  more  amiable  Catha¬ 
rine,  entering  into  the  great  plans  of  her 
noble  husband;  soothing  his  chafed  spirit 
by  her  gentleness;  cheering  his  desponding 
heart  with  her  eloquent  applications  of  holy 
writ,  and  finding  her  own  enjoyment  in  his 
happiness  ?  I  know  she  condemns  the  for¬ 
mer;  she  admires  the  latter.  She  will, 
therefore,  form  her  own  character  after  the 
model  of  Catharine,  and  studiously,  reso¬ 
lutely,  conform  herself  to  the  requirements 
of  her  husband’s  profession. 

The  only  way  for  the  young  wife  to  do 
this  effectually  is,  to  enter  into  the  spirit 
of  her  husband’s  vocation.  The  bride  of  a 


134 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


merchant  or  mechanic  will  find  this  a 
necessary  part  of  her  duty;  but  nothing 
can  atone  for  its  absence  in  the  wife  of  a 
minister  of  Christ. 

She  must  learn  to  appreciate  the  obliga¬ 
tions  that  bind  her  husband  to  his  work. 
Preaching  Christ  is  not  so  much  his  pro¬ 
fession  as  his  vocation.  He  has  not  entered 
upon  it  as  men  select  one  mode  of  support 
in  preference  to  another.  He  has  been 
called  to  it  by  the  Holy  Ghost;  and  if  so 
called,  he  cannot  abandon  it  without  bring¬ 
ing  down  the  “  woe  unto  me  if  I  preach  not 
the  Gospel  ”  upon  his  devoted  head.  The 
interests  involved  in  his  work  are  momen¬ 
tous  beyond  conception.  Immortal  desti¬ 
nies  are  linked  to  his  labours.  Human 
salvation  depends  on  his  fidelity,  for  if  God 
has  called  him  into  the  pulpit,  it  is  because 
his  eye  discerns  an  instrumental  adaptation 
in  him,  to  some  part  of  the  great  work  of 
human  redemption.  It  is  not  saying  toe 
much  to  affirm,  that  on  his  continuance 
in  the  work  of  the  ministry  hangs  the 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


135 


eternal  fate  of  some  of  the  creatures  of 
God. 

The  minister’s  bride  must  study  to  feel 
the  grandeur  of  her  husband’s  mission. 
She  must  view  it  in  its  relation  to  the 
sublime  plan  of  redemption.  She  must 
gaze  on  the  majestic  results  growing  out 
of  his  labours.  She  must  view,  by  the  eye 
of  faith,  the  endless  gratitude  of  the  souls 
who  will  become  the  seals  of  her  husband’s 
ministry,  and,  above  all,  she  must  tremble 
before  the  idea  of  dragging  her  husband  out 
of  the  pulpit  into  hell !  Let  her  never  for¬ 
get  that  no  man’s  salvation  is  in  greater 
peril  than  that  of  the  minister,  who,  through 
the  lust  of  money,  the  love  of  indolence, 
or  the  persuasions  of  a  wife,  leaves  his 
appropriate  sphere,  and  buries  himself  in 
the  obscurity  of  private  life.  Alas !  how 
many  of  those  ministers  who  have  quitted 
their  vocation  have  fallen  victims  to  world¬ 
liness  and  sin ! 

With  such  ideas  as  these  working  in  her 
heart,  the  minister’s  wife  will  never  tease 


136 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


her  husband  to  locate.  She  will  not  fill 
his  ears,  and  grieve  his  heart,  by  peevish 
complaints  about  the  hardships  of  her  lot. 
No :  but  with  heroic  courage  she  will  en¬ 
dure  her  trials  for  the  sake  of  Christ,  know 
ing  that  her  inheritance  in  glory  will  be 
enlarged  by  her  participation  in  the  diffi¬ 
culties  of  her  husband’s  calling.  The  phy¬ 
sical  ills  entailed  by  the  migratory  life  of 
the  itinerant;  the  mental  torture  caused  by 
the  frequent  sundering  of  friendly  ties ;  the 
unceasing  care  for  the  Church  of  Christ 
which  burdens  her,  through  sympathy  with 
her  husband ;  the  unkind  and  uncharitable 
conduct  of  lukewarm  professors,  will  all 
be  cheerfully  accepted  from  Christ  as  a 
portion  of  that  cup  which  He  deems  proper 
to  apply  to  her  lips.  She  will  drink  it  in 
hope;  she  will  endure  all,  like  her  great 
Exemplar,  who  “ for  the  joy  that  was  set 
before  him,  endured  the  cross,  despising  the 
shame,  and  is  set  down  at  the  right  hand  of 
the  throne  of  God.” 

This  is  motive  enough,  for  the^e  is  joy 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


137 


set  before  tbe  faithful  wife  who  is  a  help 
meet  for  a  minister  of  Jesus  Christ.  She 
may,  and  doubtless  will,  have  cause  to 
weep  and  suffer ;  but  her  tears  are  neither 
lost  nor  forgotten.  A  drop  of  water,  fall¬ 
ing  into  the  shell  of  an  obscure  fish,  be¬ 
comes  in  due  time  a  pearl  of  beauty  on  the 
brow  of  royalty;  so  shall  her  tears,  drop¬ 
ping  from  eyes  of  sadness,  and  flowing  from 
an  agonized  heart,  be  carefully  gathered  up, 
and  in  the  happy  future  be  brought  forth, 
changed  to  pearls  of  unfading  whiteness, 
and  wrought  into  that  “  crown  of  life  ” 
which  Christ  will  give  her  in  that  day. 
Of  all  the  disciples  of  Christ,  the  minister’s 
wife  should  be  the  first  to  repose  on  the 
delightful  assurance,  that  “  these  light  afflic¬ 
tions,  which  are  but  for  a  moment,  shall 
work  out  for  us  a  far  more  exceeding  and 
eternal  weight  of  glory.” 

May  I  not  hope  that  the  dear  lady  whose 
eye  now  reads  this  page,  and  who  is  the 
bride  of  a  u  preacher  of  righteousness,”  will 
record  a  covenant  with  Christ  to  be  all  to 


138 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


her  husband  in  his  profession  that  Christ 
can  desire !  Resolve  to  catch  the  inspira¬ 
tion  of  his  mission  by  study  and  prayer ;  to 
heroically  endure  your  peculiar  trials  for 
Jesus’  sake  ;  to  sympathize  with  your  hus¬ 
band  in  every  part  of  his  labours, — in  his 
studies,  his  pastoral  duties,  his  public  ef¬ 
forts.  Resolve  to  stimulate  his  zeal,  to  re¬ 
mind  him  of  the  principles  and  aims  of  his 
vocation  ;  and,  in  a  word,  to  be  as  the 
guardian  angel  of  his  spirit.  Resolve 
neither  to  do  nor  to  be  aught  that  will  de¬ 
tract  from  his  influence.  Do  these  things, 

O  7 

young  bride,  and  though  by  your  direct 
effort  a  soul  may  never  bless  you  as  its 
converter,  yet  thousands  shall  call  you 
blessed  for  the  influence  of  your  spirit  on 
your  husband’s  success.  Verily,  you  shall 
have  your  reward.  Your  husband  will 
esteem  you;  the  Church  will  embalm  you 
in  its  memories,  and  God  will  honour  you. 

Let  me,  before  leaving  this  point,  refer 
von  to  that  touching  exhibition  of  conjugal 
esteem  made  at  Bath  a  few  years  since. 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


139 


It  was  the  jubilee  of  the  ordination  of  the 
venerable  and  eloquent  William  Jay.  For 
fifty  years  he  had  ministered  to  that  ad- 
miiing  flock,  and,  as  a  tribute  of  love,  the 
ladies  of  his  church  presented  him  with  a 
purse  containing  over  three  thousand  dol¬ 
lars.  His  wife  was  present  in  that  vast 
assemblage.  He  took  the  purse,  and,  pre¬ 
senting  it  to  her,  said, — 

u  I  take  this  purse,  and  present  it  to  you, 
madam, — to  you,  madam,  who  have  always 
kept  my  purse ;  and  therefore  it  has  been 
so  well  kept.  Consider  it  entirely  sacred, 
—for  your  use,  your  service,  your  benefit. 
I  feel  this  to  be  unexpected  by  you,  but  it 
is  perfectly  deserved.” 

Then  addressing  the  audience,  he  added : 
“  I  am  sure  there  is  not  one  here  but  would 
acquiesce  in  this  if  he  knew  the  value  of 
this  female  as  a  wife  for  more  than  fifty 
years.  I  must  mention  the  obligation  the 
public  are  under  to  her,  if  I  have  been 
enabled  to  serve  my  generation  :  how  much 
my  Church  and  congregation  owe  to  her 


140 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


watchings  over  their  pastor’s  health,  whom 
she  has  cheered  under  all  his  trials,  and 
reminded  of  his  duties,  while  she  animated 
him  in  their  performance :  how  often  she 
has  wiped  the  evening  dews  from  his  fore* 
head,  and  freed  him  from  interruptions  and 
embarrassments,  that  he  might  be  free  for 
his  work !  She,  too,  is  the  mother  of  an¬ 
other  mother  in  America,  who  has  reared 
thirteen  children,  all  of  whom  are  walking 
with  her  in  the  way  everlasting.” 

How  must  the  bosom  of  that  noble  wife 
have  heaved  with  almost  unearthly  joy  as 
this  deserved  eulogy  dropped  from  her  hus¬ 
band’s  lips  !  O,  the  bliss  of  a  life  was  com¬ 
pressed  into  that  moment!  And  such  a 
bliss  may  be  yours,  young  bride.  Not  per¬ 
haps  under  like  circumstances,  but  before 
that  august  assembly  where  you  and  your 
husband  shall  receive  your  final  reward. 
Then  your  husband,  viewing  his  crown, 
radiant  with  stars,  shall'  gaze  upon  its 
brightness,  and  think,  perchance,  how 
much,  under  Christ,  it  owes  its  adornments 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


141 


to  you.  And  you,  I  repeat,  “  shall  not  lose 
your  reward.” 

But  if  you  pursue  an  opposite  course;  if 
you  vex  your  husband's  soul  by  discontent  ; 
if  you  add  to  his  burdens,  instead  of  making 
them  lighter ;  if  you  unfit  him  for  his  work 
by  the  peevishness  of  your  temper, — you 
cripple  his  energies,  discourage  his  heart, 
and  succeed  in  teasing  him  into  a  location  ; 
you  shall  also  have  your  reward.  You  shall 
see  God  set  his  face  against  you  and  him: 
domestic  bitterness  will  poison  your  enjoy¬ 
ments  ;  misfortunes  will  haunt  your  steps ; 
God  will  curse  you  in  soul  and  in  body, 
and  in  all  probability  both  you  and  he  will 
fail  of  heaven.  O  then,  beware,  young 
bride,  how  you  treat  your  husband's  high 
vocation.  It  is  from  God ;  and  it  is  a  very 
solemn  thin"  to  trifle  with  the  callings  of 
the  Almighty. 

Let  not  the  husband  imagine,  because  I 
have  written  thus  to  the  young  wife,  that 
he  has  nothin"  to  do  in  assisting  her  to  con- 
form  to  the  circumstances  of  his  condition 


142 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


or  profession.  It  is  not  sufficient  for  you  to 

provide  her  with  the  best  home  which  your 

means  permit.  That  she  had  before;  and 

you  would  do  as  much  as  this  for  your 

housekeeper ;  and  it  is  rarely  that  domestic 

unhappiness  grows  solely  out  of  external 

circumstances.  I  agree  with  Coleridge, 

who  says :  u  Show  me  one  couple  unhappy 

merely  on  account  of  their  limited  circum- 
•/ 

stances,  and  I  will  show  you  ten  who  are 
wretched  from  other  eauses.’,  Doubtless 
many  a  wife  owes  the  growth  of  her  dis¬ 
content  to  the  absence  of  appropriate  sym¬ 
pathy  with  the  trials  of  her  new  situation 
on  the  part  of  her  husband. 

“  Sympathy,”  says  Mountford,  in  his 
u  Marriage  Sermon,”  u  is  an  essential  of  the 
human  heart.  There  is  many  a  soul  of 
noble  capacities  lying  in  sluggish  darkness 
for  want  of  some  word  out  of  itself,  some 
human  tone,  some  little  encouragement, 
and  that,  perhaps,  so  slight,  that  even  a 
child  might  utter  it.  Others  there  are, 
who  are  awake  to  righteousness,  to  all  the 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


143 


lofly  attainments  that  are  possible  therein 
on  this  earth,  who  revolve  in  their  minds 
many  plans  of  good,  and  who  yet  make  no 
progress,  for  want  of  a  quickening  impulse 
external  from  themselves.  .  .  .  This  want 
of  sympathy,  this  dependence  on  external 
help,  is  God’s  appointment;  it  is  our  na¬ 
ture  ;  it  is  incidental  to  us  social  creatures ; 
it  is  an  ordained  occasion  for  the  infusion 
of  faith  and  energy  into  the  soul,  and 
which,  at  the  same  time,  carry  along  with 
them  an  increase  of  love,  a  contributarv 
effect  of  the  conversational  channel  through 

O 

which  they  flow.” 

The  husband  must  remember  this  doc¬ 
trine,  and  prevent  his  wife’s  fall  into  dis¬ 
content  and  peevishness,  by  manifested 
sympathy  with  the  first  difficulties  of  her 
new  situation.  Is  she  perplexed  with  her 
domestic  cares  ?  Is  she  lonesome  during 
the  long  hours  of  his  necessary  absence 
from  home  ?  Does  her  health  give  way 
under  the  peculiar  conditions  of  her  state  ? 
Are  her  indulgences  fewer,  and  is  her 


144 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


home  less  elegant,  than  in  the  days  of  her 
happy  and  thoughtless  girlhood  ?  Let  the 
husband  feel  for  her,  and  kindly  express 
those  feelings;  let  him  whisper  words  of 
encouragement  in  her  ears;  let  him  show 
her  that  her  efforts  to  adapt  herself  to  his 
circumstances  are  appreciated,  and  he  will 
probably  awaken  that  ardent  devotedness 
to  his  happiness  which  has  so  often  charac¬ 
terized  her  sex. 

Remember,  young  husband,  that  “  the 
soul  of  woman  lives  in  love.” 

“  And  shouldst  thou,  wondering,  mark  a  tear 
Unconscious  from  her  eyelids  break, 

Be  pitiful,  and  soothe  the  fear 
That  strong  man’s  heart  may  ne’er  partake.” 

Should  you  even  fail  of  success,  owing  to 
the  unfortunate  absence  of  truly  noble 
qualities  in  her  character,  you  will  at  least 
feel  the  high  satisfaction  of  knowing  that, 
in  your  misfortune,  you  are  blameless. 
But  fail  wholly,  you  cannot.  Sympathy 
will  make  some  impression  even  on  the 
most  selfish  natures ;  and  you  may  develop 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


145 


the  highest  qualities  of  woman  in  your 
bride,  and  realize  in  your  marriage  history 
the  ideal  of  the  poet,  painted  in  these  beau¬ 
tiful  lines  of  Brainard  : — 

“  I  saw  two  clouds  at  morning 
Tinged  with  the  rising  sun ; 

And  in  the  dawn  they  floated  on, 

And  mingled  into  one; 

I  thought  that  morning  cloud  was  blest, 

It  moved  so  sweetly  to  the  west. 

“I  saw  two  summer  currents 

Flow  smoothly  to  their  meeting, 

And  join  their  course,  with  silent  force, 

In  peace  each  other  greeting ; 

Calm  was  their  course,  through  banks  of  green. 
While  dimpling  eddies  play’d  between. 

44  Such  be  your  gentle  motion, 

Till  life’s  last  pulse  shall  beat ; 

Like  summer’s  beam  and  summer’s  stream. 
Float  on,  in  joy,  to  meet 
A  calmer  sea,  where  storms  shall  cease,— 

A  purer  sky,  where  all  is  peace.” 

10 


146 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


(SJSL&IT'B'ISISl  USo 


Servants  have  often  been  called  “great 
plagues:”  a  saying  which  most  housekeepers 
will  readily  endorse.  There  are  few  fami¬ 
lies  that  hire  “  help  ”  but  find  it  a  source  of 
much  vexation  and  trial.  It  was  so  in  the 
days  of  Abraham  and  Lot,  whose  hired 
men  quarrelled ;  it  is  so  now,  and  will  con¬ 
tinue  to  be  so  while  man  remains  in  his 
fallen  state.  The  reason,  I  apprehend,  is 
this :  the  relation  of  master  and  servant  is 
an  effect  of  sin — a  portion  of  the  curse 
which  blights  our  joys,  and  converts  this 
world  into  a  vale  of  tears.  For  it  was  sin 
that  caused  the  debility,  idleness,  or  luxury 
on  the  one  side,  and  the  dependence  and 
poverty  on  the  other,  which  make  the  re¬ 
lations  of  master  and  servant  necessary  to 
•  the  existence  of  social  life.  It  must,  there¬ 
fore,  be  endured  as  a  “  necessary  evil.” 

I  would  advise  the  newly  married  to  do 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


147 


without  help  if  possible .  If  a  simple  style 
of  living,  systematic  arrangements,  and  a 
little  occasional  aid,  will  enable  the  young 
wife  to  dispense  with  a  u  hired  girl,”  let  her 
be  dispensed  with  by  all  means.  A  ser¬ 
vant  brings  greatly  increased  expenses,  a 
new  moral  element,  new  cares  and  new 
responsibilities  into  a  family.  If  happiness, 
if  genuine  domestic  enjoyment,  is  the  object 
of  the  newly  married,  they  will  certainly 
avoid  hiring  help,  except  in  the  extremity 
of  necessity. 

The  expense  of  a  servant  is  a  question 
worthy  of  some  consideration  from  the 
newly  married.  It  is  not  the  item  of 
wages  merely,  though  that  is  considerable, 
but  the  cost  of  board,  of  waste,  and  fre¬ 
quently  of  the  dishonesty  of  the  help,  that 
makes  the  question  of  expense  a  serious 
one.  Says  a  writer  on  this  subject : — 

“  Besides  the  wages,  board,  and  lodging 
of  a  female  servant,  there  must  be  a  fire 
exclusively  for  her,  or  else  she  must  sit 
with  the  family,  and  hear  every  word  that 


148 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


passes  between  them,  or  between  them  and 
their  friends.  Besides  the  blaze  of  coals, 
there  is  another  sort  of  flame  she  will  in¬ 
evitably  covet.  In  plain  language,  you 
have  a  man  to  keep,  a  part  at  least  of 
every  week :  and  the  leg  of  lamb  which 
might  have  lasted  you  and  your  wife  three 
days,  will  by  this  gentleman’s  sighs  be 
borne  away  in  one.  Shut  the  door  against 
this  intruder,  and  she  will  go  out  herself; 
nor  will  she  always  go  empty  handed.” 

The  same  writer  speaks  of  having  seen 
large  quantities  of  food,  fuel,  &c.,  given 
away  by  servants  early  in  the  morning  to 
their  various  friends.  And  what  house¬ 
keeper  of  many  years’  experience  has  not 
been  conscious  of  suffering  by  similar  pecu¬ 
lations  ! 

Frequently  a  hired  girl  brings  an  un¬ 
happy  moral  element  into  the  family. 
What  misery  is  often  caused  by  the  fierce 
temper  of  a  servant!  The  very  presence 
of  such  a  person  infects  the  moral  atmo¬ 
sphere.  The  outbreaks  of  her  temper  irri- 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


149 


i 

tate  and  annoy  the  wife ;  she,  in  her  turn, 
soured  by  the  contagion,  complains  bitterly 
of  “  Betty  ”  or  M  Molly  ”  to  her  husband. 
He  feels  vexed  and  tried  at  meeting  com¬ 
plaints  and  ill-temper  where  he  was  wont 
to  meet  smiles,  and  conceives  a  degree  of 
dislike  for  his  home, — a  diminution  of  re¬ 
gard  for  his  wife.  Time  increases  the  evil, 
until  domestic  dissensions  crown  the  formi¬ 
dable  column  of  vexations,  rising  from  the 
pedestal  of  an  ill-tempered  servant. 

The  influence  of  a  wicked  domestic  is 
still  more  potent  in  that  family  which  has 
childien  among  its  members.  The  fact  is 
unquestionable,  that  a  servant’s  influence 
'  has  ruined  many  a  child.  Ghost  stories, 
licentious  anecdotes,  and  even  unchaste 
habits,  have  been  taught  by  such  domestics 
to  the  unwary  children,  until  they  have 
fallen  victims  to  superstitious  fears  or  de¬ 
structive  vices. 

How  necessary  it  is,  therefore,  for  the 
young  husband  and  wife  to  begin  their 
married  life  without  “  hired  help,”  if  prae- 


150 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


ticable.  It  is  a  question  in  which  their 
happiness  is  involved:  they  must  treat  it 
as  one  of  the  serious  things  of  life. 

There  are  many  families,  I  doubt  not, 
who  keep  “  help,”  and  endure  all  its  vexa¬ 
tions,  not  from  the  inability  of  the  wife  to 

i 

do  without  it,  but  from  an  idea  that  it  is 
more  respectable  to  keep  a  servant  than  to 
do  without  one.  To  such  allow  me  to  say, 
first,  The  idea  is  a  false  one.  You  are  not 
respected  one  atom  the  more  for  keeping 
a  servant  by  any  whose  respect  is  worth 
having ;  secondly,  If  any  young  couple  are 
disposed  to  prefer  an  imaginary  respecta 
bility  to  happiness,  they  deserve  to  be 
miserable. 

But  it  is  highly  probable  this  work  will 
fall  into  the  hands  of  many  brides,  whose 
delicate  health  or  previous  education  makes 
the  assistance  of  servants  imperiously  ne¬ 
cessary.  To  such  I  will  offer  a  word  or 
two  of  counsel. 

Pious  servants,  young  women  truly  de¬ 
voted  to  God,  are  to  be  preferred  to  all 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


151 


others.  I  know  such  servants  are  rarely  to 
be  obtained.  Still  there  are  such  in  the 
community.  They  are  domestic  jewels ; 
and,  when  found,  ought  to  be  treated  ac¬ 
cording  to  their  worth. 

•In  the  present  state  of  society,  however, 
most  families  are  compelled  to  take  Irish 
Catholics  into  their  service,  and  it  becomes 
a  serious  question  how  they  are  to  be 
treated. 

I  have  heard  some  persons  say  they  would 
not  keep  a  girl  in  their  house  who  would 
not  attend  family  prayer.  Their  argument 
is,  that  a  master  has  a  right  to  compel  all 
under  his  roof  to  submit  to  his  authority. 

This  is  true  on  all  questions  which  do 
not  involve  matters  of  conscience.  Every 
head  of  a  family  is  bound  to  require  a  good 
moral  deportment  from  all  his  dependents, 
and  to  exert  his  strongest  influence  to  win 
them  to  religion.  He  ought,  also,  to  insist 
on  the  attendance  of  his  servants  at  some 
place  of  religious  worship  on  the  Sabbath ; 
and  if  they  are  Protestants,  to  require  their 


152 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


presence  at  the  domestic  altar  on  pain  of 
dismissal  from  his  employment.  Such  ser¬ 
vants  cannot  have  conscientious  scruples  to 
plead,  and  must  possess  elements  of  cha¬ 
racter  too  dangerous  to  be  retained  in  a 
Christian  family,  if  unwilling  to  join  ‘in 
family  worship. 

But  the  Catholic  servant  is  in  a  different 
relation.  She,  poor  victim  of  error,  is 
taught  by  her  priest,  who  stands,  to  her 
mind ,  in  the  place  of  God,  to  regard  her 
master’s  religion  with  horror.  She  believes 
it  would  be  sin  to  join  therein.  So  far  as 
she  is  concerned,  if  left  to  herself,  she 
would  have  no  such  objection ;  but  her 
tyrannical  priest,  usurping  authority  over 
her  conscience,  forbids  her  to  do  so.  Now, 
what  is  to  be  done?  Shall  the  Christian 
require  her  to  violate  her  sense  of  duty? 
Or  shall  he  submit  to  the  unpleasant  neces¬ 
sity,  and  permit  her  to  absent  herself  at  the 
hour  of  worship  ? 

“  Thus  to  permit  your  servant’s  absence, 
is  to  submit  to  priestly  dictation  as  to  the 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


153 


government  of  your  family,”  said  a  zealous 
agent  of  the  Protestant  Society  to  me  one 
day.  To  a  certain  extent  this  is  true, 
though  it  is  rather  the  scruples  of  the  ser¬ 
vant  than  the  dictation  of  the  priest  to 
which  we  submit.  Yet  what  is  to  be  done  ? 
Insist  on  her  presence,  and,  if  places  are 
abundant,  she  will  leave  your  employment, 
and  you  must  then  hire  another  of  the 
same  class,  who  will  follow  her  example, 
and  thus  your  family  is  endlessly  per¬ 
plexed  :  if  places  are  not  to  be  had  readily, 
your  girl  may  possibly  comply,  but  with 
such  a  sense  of  your  tyranny,  for  so  she 
will  consider  it,  as  will  entirely  neutralize 
your  object  in  requiring  her  presence. 

The  result  of  my  experience  on  the  sub¬ 
ject  of  Catholic  help  is,  that  it  is  not  best 
to  insist  on  their  being  present  at  your 
family  worship.  Let  them  be  kindly  in¬ 
vited  to  do  so :  if  they  comply,  well ;  if 
not,  we  must  submit  to  it  until  some  pious 
Protestant  girl  can  be  obtained  in  her 
place.  As  to  how  the  heads  of  a  family 


154 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


can  best  perform  their  religious  duty  to 
such  help,  I  can  hardly  advise,  except  to 
gay,  that  we  should  so  deport  ourselves  in 
their  presence  as  to  compel  the  conviction 
that  Protestantism  is  better  than  Catholi¬ 
cism;  we  should,  if  they  can  read,  place 
the  Holy  Scriptures  in  their  hands,  and 
such  other  books  as  mav  be  suited  to  in- 
struct  them;  we  may  also,  with  suitable 
wisdom,  endeavour  to  instruct  them  by  con¬ 
versation  ;  though,  such  is  their  prejudice 
against  us  heretics,  it  is  rarely  we  can  affect 
them  thus.  Every  Christian  pair  must  do 
what  they  can  to  bring  these  poor  deluded 
servants,  who  swarm  our  cities  and  towns, 
to  the  knowledge  of  Jesus  Christ. 

Hired  help  should  always  be  treated 
kindly,  and  even  respectfully.  The  mis¬ 
tress,  while  she  preserves  her  own  dignity, 
should  endeavour  to  treat  her  girl  so  that 
she  may  not  feel  her  servitude.  To  do 
this  does  not  require  excessive  familiarity, 
but  only  a  kind  spirit  expressed  in  respect¬ 
ful  language.  Even  a  rebuke  for  an  obvious 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


155 


fault  is  more  weighty  when  uttered  with 
kindness  and  without  temper,  than  when  it 
is  administered  in  the  shape  of  what  is  mis¬ 
named  a  “  good  scolding.”  It  is  not  neces¬ 
sary  to  take  a  hired  girl  so  closely  into  the 
bosom  of  a  family  as  to  give  her  a  seat  at 
your  own  table  or  your  own  fireside.  This 
may  be  done  where  there  exists  a  suita¬ 
bility  of  manners  and  characters.  There 
are  some  pious  and  intelligent  hired  girls 
whom  I  would  gladly  treat  in  this  way; 
but  there  are  others,  and  they  form  the 
vast  majority,  whose  constant  presence 
would  be  a  barrier  to  all  profitable  social 
intercourse.  It  should  never  be  forgotten 
that  in  employing  a  servant ,  we  are  not 
hiring  a  companion ;  if,  however,  that  ser¬ 
vant  should  be  found  to  combine  the  quali¬ 
fications  for  both  of  these  relations,  her 
being  a  servant  cannot  justify  the  employer 
in  refusing  to  treat  her  according  to  her 
worth ;  for,  although  no  leveller,  yet  I  can 
heartily  join  in  the  following  stanza  of  the 
Scottish  poet,  (Burns :) — 


156 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


i  Then  let  us  pray,  that  come  it  may, 

As  come  it  will  for  a’  that, 

That  sense  and  worth  o’er  all  the  earth 
May  bear  the  gree,  and  a’  that.” 

*  ) 

To  have  the  wheels  of  domestic  life  run 
smoothly,  the  wife  must  establish  a  system 
to  which  everything  must  bend,  and  into 
which  she  must  infuse  activity  and  vigour 
of  movement.  There  must  be  an  esta¬ 
blished  hour  for  each  meal,  a  distinct  rou¬ 
tine  for  the  various  duties  of  the  household  ; 
a  proper  distribution  of  the  several  parts  of 
household  labour,  so  that  the  work  and 
order  of  each  day  shall  be  apparent  before¬ 
hand.  Above  all,  it  is  indispensable  for 
the  young  housewife  to  superintend  hei 
own  kitchen.  She  must  give  direction  and 
energy  to  her  help.  She  must  rise  supe¬ 
rior  to  that  most  silly  of  all  silly  notions, 
that  it  is  degrading  in  a  wife  to  labour  in 
her  own  household.  This  most  stupid  of 
ideas  she  must  trample  under  her  feet, 
and  glory  in  resembling  that  beautiful  por¬ 
trait  of  a  perfect  wife  drawn  so  graphically 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS.  157 

by  the  glowing  pencil  of  King  Solomon,  in 
Prov.  xxxi,  10-27. 

The  following  fact ,  which  is  taken  from  a 
recent  British  publication,  conveys  its  own 
moral  on  several  points  not  elsewhere  touch¬ 
ed  in  this  work,  but  which,  in  this  polluted 
world,  are  important  to  be  guarded  against 
by  all  who  would  be  happy. 

Mr.  A - married  Miss  B - .  They 

were  about  the  same  age,  and  apparently 
matched  as  well  as  paired.  He  had  his 
infirmities:  a  weakly  constitution,  caused 
by  early  sickness,  and  a  very  common 
mental  infirmity — vanity.  She  was  kind, 
benevolent,  social  in  her  disposition,  and 
was  devotedly  attached  to  him.  So  well 
suited  were  they  to  each  other,  that  twenty 
years  of  their  wedded  life  passed  away  in 
uninterrupted  peace. 

At  first,  their  circumstances  were  mode¬ 
rate.  Having  no  children,  and  her  mother 
being  a  resident  in  her  family,  Mrs.  A— 
did  without  a  servant.  But  after  twenty 
years  their  fortunes  were  so  much  im- 


158 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


proved  that  a  larger  domestic  establishment 
appeared  necessary  to  their  station  in  life. 
And  this  gave  rise  to  the  further  necessity 
of  having  a  servant  to  meet  the  additional 
labour. 

This  circumstance,  strange  as  it  may 
seem,  grew  into  a  domestic  viper,  whose 
deadly  bite  poisoned  the  remainder  of  their 
lives. 

A  quiet  girl,  ignorant,  but  strong  and 
healthy,  was  obtained  from  the  country. 
She  was  very  poor  also.  Her  clothes  were 
unfit  for  her  appearance  as  a  servant.  Mrs. 

A - was  a  generous  woman,  and,  in  the 

goodness  of  her  heart,  she  undertook  to 
clothe  the  girl.  And  here  she  unwittingly 
did  her  unsophisticated  servant  a  great  in¬ 
jury.  Not,  to  be  sure,  in  clothing  her;  but 
in  doing  so  improperly.  She  gave  her 
clothes  superior  to  her  circumstances, — 
finery  such  as  the  poor  child  had  never 
touched  before.  As  a  natural  consequence, 
she  was  greatly  lifted  up  by  her  altered 
appearance ;  she  did  not  know  herself : 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


159 


the  sefcds  of  vanity  were  planted  in  her 
heart,  and  in  due  time  they  yielded  their 
harvest  of  crime  and  sorrow. 

Perhaps  this  fault  of  Mrs.  A -  might 

not  have  so  seriously  affected  her  own 
happiness,  had  she  not  been  the  prey  of 
another.  She  was  extremelv  fond  of  social 

O' 

intercourse,  and,  in  consequence,  was  fre¬ 
quently,  very  frequently,  absent  from  her 
own  house  and  table.  Her  husband,  being 
partially  an  invalid,  did  not  choose  to  ac¬ 
company  her;  and,  being  remarkably  good- 
natured,  did  not  complain.  But,  as  a 
result,  he  was  necessarily  much  waited  on 
by  the  country  girl,  now  grown  into  a 
smart,  handsome  young  woman.  She  was 
very  attentive  to  his  wishes ;  and  he  fa¬ 
voured  her  with  kind  words  in  return. 
The  girl  felt  flattered;  he  increased  his 
attentions,  until,  after  Mrs.  A/s  return  from 
a  trip  to  Bologne  with  her  brother,  which 
had  kept  her  from  home  a  month,  she 
made  discoveries  that  led  to  a  separation 
from  her  husband  which  lasted  ten  years, 


160 


BRIDAL  GREETINGS. 


when  death  put  an  end  to  the  guilty  career 
of  Mr.  A.  and  his  paramour. 

“  This  simple  narrative,”  says  its  writer, 
“  which  is  quite  true,  has  many  a  parallel 
in  every-day  life.  Evil  may  spring  from 
the  best  intentions,  when  not  guided  by 
sound  judgment  and  experience.  Happy 
are  they  who  can  learn  from  the  experience 
of  others.” 

CONCLUDING  NOTE. 

And  now,  young  and  happy  pair,  having 
given  you  such  hints  and  counsels  as  I 
thought  expedient  and  necessary  to  your 
happiness,  I  wish  you  adieu!  May  the 
peace  of  Christ  rest  on  your  spirits !  May 
Providence  guide  you  safely  through  the 
mysteries  of  life !  May  Eternal  Love  ele¬ 
vate  you  to  the  endless  joys  of  that  mar¬ 
riage  supper  which  will  celebrate  the  final 
union  of  Christ  with  his  Church !  Amen 
and  Amen ! 


THE  END. 


